development. During the last two or three years my knowledge of
the facts of the sexual life has been very greatly increased,
and I have become acquainted with phases of human nature which
were wholly unknown to me before. The part played by things
sexual in my life is still, I suppose, abnormally large; it is
undoubtedly the largest single interest, though my outer life is
determined almost wholly by other considerations.

Of course I know nothing of the effect which long-continued
masturbation may have had on my ability to perform normal coitus.
I do not think I am subject to any kind of sexual perversion, for
all my indulgence has been _faute de mieux_ and, at least since I
began masturbation, all my desires and erotic day-dreams have had
to do only with normal coitus. The mystery which surrounds the
sexual act seems at times to be regaining its former influence
and power of fascination. I have no doubt, however, but that I
should be greatly disillusioned should I ever perform coitus; and
I greatly regret that I have not been able to test this
conviction and so round out and complete this "history."

It may be worth while to say a word about my religious
experiences, as, in many cases, they are closely bound up with
the sexual impulse. I was never "converted," but on a dozen or
more occasions approached the crisis more or less closely. The
dominant emotion in these experiences was always fear, sometimes
with anger and despair intermixed in varying proportions. A
complete analysis of these experiences is, of course, impossible,
but the various pleasurable feelings of which converts spoke in
the revivals which I attended were a closed book to me. Following
my revival-meeting experiences came a few days spent in a sort of
moral exaltation during which I eschewed all my habits of which
conventional morality disapproved, save masturbation, and felt no
small satisfaction with my moral conditions. I became a
first-rate Pharisee. Toward the women who had figured in my day
dreams I suddenly conceived the chastest affection, resolutely
smothering every sensual thought and fancy when thinking of them,
and putting in place of these elements ideal love,
self-sacrifice, knightly devotion--Sunday-school Garden-of-Eden
pictures with a mediaeval, romantic coloring. These day-dreams