bout this time I fell in love with a little Jewish boy next
door. Often I cried myself to sleep over the thought that perhaps
he was lying on a sofa alone and crying with a stomach-ache. I
longed to embrace him; and yet I saw little of him, and made
little of him when I was with him.

Living in a Western city a few months later, some girls of 12 and
14 led me to their barn, where they dressed themselves in boys'
clothing and made believe that they were cowboys. One of them
told me to "shut my eyes, open my mouth, and get a surprise."
When I opened my eyes once more a piece of hen-dung lay in my
mouth. I have a vague remembrance of one of the girls asking me
to enter a water-closet with her. She uttered some indelicate
phrase, but I performed no act with her. In the house where I
lived I once entered the bedroom of a half-grown girl while she
was dressing. She knelt to kiss me innocently enough, and I, by a
sudden impulse, ran my hand between her bare neck and her corset
as far as I could reach. Apparently she took no notice of my
movement. Although I did not masturbate, yet during this winter I
experienced a tickling sensation about my genitals when I placed
my hand beneath them as I lay on my stomach in bed. One evening I
pulled up my night-dress and, holding my penis in my hand, I
danced to and fro on the carpet. I imagined that I was one of a
line of naked men and women who were advancing toward another
similar line that faced them. I imagined myself as pleasurably
coming in contact with my female partner who possessed male
genitals.

The following summer I lived in the woods. My next-door playmate
was a little girl of my own age--6 years. She sat down before me
in the barn and exposed her genitals. This was the first time I
had seen female organs, or had thought for a moment that they
differed from my own. In great perplexity I asked the little
girl: "Has it been cut off?" She and I defecated in peach baskets
that we found in the upper part of the barn.

When I was 7 years old and back in the Eastern city I lived in
the house of a physician. Alone with his 3-year-old daughter one
day, I showed her my erect organ, and felt a delicious
gratification when she stroked it with the words: "Nice! Nice!" I
confessed my fault to my guardian that night after I had said my