ptions, but for the fact that they have
determined my life-history in that aspect.

HISTORY IV.--When I was 9 years old a boy at the preparatory
school, which I attended, showed me the act of masturbation,
which he said he had practiced for a long time, and which he
urged me to imitate, if I wished to become a father when I grew
up, and married! Boy-like I believed him and tried, but the
sensation obtained was not a pleasant one (I suppose that I was
too rough with myself) and I desisted.

When I was about 12 years old, a schoolfellow told me that he had
seen his nurse copulating with the groom, and he and I used to
haunt the woods in the hope that we might see an amorous couple
so engaged, but without success. We often talked of the act, as
to how it was done. Neither he nor I had any clear ideas on the
subject, save as to the organs involved. I was about 15 when a
maidservant of the house in which I was a boarder, came to my
bedroom one night and taught me how to masturbate her. She said
that this was a good thing for me to do, and warned me never to
"play with myself" as it would kill me, or drive me mad. I told
her that I had tried it, but could not bring on a pleasurable
feeling, so she did it to me, and although I did not have an
emission, I derived great pleasure from the act. She told me that
it never did a boy any harm to let a girl play with his parts,
and promised that if I would keep the secret, she would often do
this for me. Naturally I promised to say nothing, and she often
came up to my room. Later on she used to insert my penis into her
vulva, while she was rubbing it, at the same time giving me a
pigeon kiss. This _modus operandi_ was much appreciated by me.
One night, after we had been together thus, I dreamt of her and
her maneuvers and had my first emission. I was very proud of
this, as I considered that I had at last attained to man's
estate, and told her of it. She never allowed me to insert my
penis into her vulva after that, alleging that she did not want
to have a baby.

I was about 161/2 years old when I had my first real coitus, my
partner in the act being a girl some two years older than I, who
lived near us. I enjoyed the act very much, as she permitted, nay
insisted on, emission _intra vaginam_, and told her that this was
much nicer t