roaching madness
and periods of neurotic depression. Long walks decidedly helped
to cure me, and the sea, sun, wind, clouds and trees colored my
dreams at night very sweetly. I frequently dreamed I was walking
in orchards or forests, and a deeper, slightly melancholy but
potent savor, as of a diviner destiny, was on my soul.

After a long absence, during which she had frequently been ill,
A. joined me. I could see she was recovering from fits, which I
began to realize that she had more frequently in absence from me,
and also from drinking, perhaps. She was small and thin, but
fresh and sweet as honey, and all signs of fits and tempers
passed away from her face, so wonderful in its changes. I had
become so healthy through my abstinence, temperance and long
walks that our meeting was a new revelation to me of how
delicate, fragrant and divine a convalescent woman may be. She
was glad and surprised to see me looking so well, and if she put
her hand on my arm I felt a joyous thrill. I was certainly a
better man for abstaining and she a better woman and I determined
not to have connection unless we were carried away by our love.
As a matter of fact we did not give way to excess, though we were
very loving. I tried to persuade myself that we had not gone back
to our old ways, but I could not do so long.

Miss T. put in an appearance every day. She did not look so
innocent, but as it was no business of mine I did not trouble.
She seemed more attached to A. than ever.... A. was still very
loving with me, but it was an effort to me to keep up to her
pitch, and when A. proposed to go to Melbourne with Miss T, to
sell off the furniture before settling in Adelaide, I was rather
glad of the opportunity of abstaining from coitus and of watching
myself to see if I again improved. When A. and Miss T. came to
see me before going down to the steamer, A. was nearly crying and
Miss T., changed from the old welcome friend, was not only pale
and anxious, but looked guilty as if she had some treachery in
her mind; she could not meet my eye. I thought less of it then
than afterwards. And once more I took long walks at night and
rose early to catch the freshness of the mornings.

Some time before this I had read a book advocating a vegetarian
diet, and at this time I chanced to read Pater's beaut