raightened
her leg the knee-cap going into position gave me such a strange
and keen joy--of that quality I call divine or musical--that I
was like one suddenly awakened to the divinity and beauty of the
female form. The joy was so keen and yet peaceful, familiar, and
subjective that I could not help comparing it to a happy chemical
change in the tissues of my own brain. Like the unexpected
functioning of my skin in the sun it was a sign of a partial
return to a normal condition, another glimpse of Paradise.

I stuck to my new diet and gained a fresh elation and joy in
life. Gradually clothes became insupportable, and I went down to
the beach as often as possible to take them off, and at nights,
beside the patient and astonished A., I would lie naked. One
evening, passing some grass, I looked over the fence like a gipsy
and felt a longing to take off my clothes and sleep in the grass
all night. It was of course impossible. And A. looked unhappily
in my face; she began to think her mother, who now thought I was
mad, must be right.

That night I woke up and found myself having coition. I was angry
and felt I had been put back in my progress, but a fever of lust
now came over me. I would sit under the tap and let the cold
water run over me to conquer the fever, but at the end of a week
my hopes were frustrated and I even turned against my natural
diet, on which I had made flesh. A., as I expected, went through
her usual fits, and slowly recovered. (If we had connection only
once she in about three weeks had a mild attack of fits; if we
had coition more than once the fits were more severe.) I relapsed
more than once and as a means of impressing my resolution for
future abstinence I would walk for miles in the middle of
pitch-black nights....

Miss T. came over to Adelaide and as I knew nothing definite
against her and heard that she was engaged, I thought perhaps my
suspicions were unfounded and was friendly. But one day in town I
saw her and A. on a tram going out to our cottage. Even then my
suspicions might not have been awakened, but I saw Miss T. say
something rapidly to A., and A. called out to me, "Will you be
coming home soon?" And I answered "No." When the tram had gone on
I found myself vaguely wondering what Miss T. wanted to know that
for, for my perceptions w