on; it was he who rescued me from orthodox Christianity and
taught me to trust in myself and in Nature. I have never ceased
this struggle towards better things to this day. There, in a
nutshell, is my life; I have always been defeated when
temptation came, but I have never ceased to struggle. I
determined to be more abstemious in sexual indulgence and asked
her to help me. She agreed willingly, for she was easily led.
Whenever we fell back again into excess it was my fault.

At a theatrical performance we first met a Miss T., a young
German who sang. She was about 25, with modest, quiet and
engaging manners. A. and she became very friendly. I liked her;
she was tall, dark and lithe, but had bad teeth.

I had been ill and at this time A. and I had a quarrel, my temper
suddenly breaking out in murderous frenzy. I called her names and
finally put her outside the house, telling her to go to her
mother. I suffered a very hell of remorse and misery. Everything
in the quiet, lonely house reminded me of her, seemed fragrant of
her; my anguish became so keen I could not stop in the house,
though I was just as wretched walking about. I kept this up for
two days, when I met her coming to look for me. One look was
enough--"A.!" "Pet!" in broken sobs--and in tears we kissed and
made it up. Miss T. was with her, and I greeted her, too, with
happy tears in my eyes. Another time, when A. was giving way to
_her_ temper, and one would have thought all love was dead, I
said "Don't you love me then?" and the word alone was a talisman,
her face changed, she held out her arms and began to sob
quietly.... She accepted an offer to travel with a small
theatrical company who were going up-country. She was not looking
well when I left and after a time I received a telegram telling
me to come to her at once as she was ill. Dreading all sorts of
things I borrowed my fare and went to her. I knew nothing of
women, of their point of view and different code of honor, and
was very far from the attitude of Guy de Maupassant who said he
liked women all the better for their charmingly deceitful ways.
A. wanted to see me and had taken the surest means to ensure my
coming. I was angry at first, but she looked so well and was so
loving that I could not be angry long.

One day when I was working the landlady cam