prayers. I had complained to my mother a year before of the
inconvenience I found in my penis being "so long sometimes." She
said that she would "see about having the end taken off." But I
was never circumcised. Her words gave me the doubly unpleasant
impression that my _glans_ was to be cut off.

There came occasionally to the kitchen of Dr. W.'s house a
foul-mouthed Irish laundress who used coarse language to me
concerning urination. I loathed the woman, and yet one night I
dreamed that I was embracing her naked form and rolling over and
over with her on the bed; and in spite of my sight of female
genitals a few months before, I thought of her as having organs
of my own kind and size. At my first school I watched a
red-haired boy of 12 expose the penis of a 7-year-old boy as he
lay on his back in the bath-room. I do not remember that the
sight gave me sexual pleasure.

I spent the summer before I was 8 in a double house. The adopted
daughter of our neighbor (a neurotic, retired physician) was a
girl of 13 who had been taken from a poor laboring family. She
got me to show her my parts, touched them, and asked whether I
urinated from my scrotum. She also induced me to play with her
genitals as we sat on a sofa in the twilight, and to spank her
naked nates with the back of a hair-brush as she lay on a bed;
but from none of these performances did I derive physical
satisfaction. The girl E. and I took delight in "talking dirty
secrets," as she expressed it. Her young cousin H. (nephew of her
adopted mother) never heard me use the word "thing" without
suggestively smiling. E. recalled the pleasant hours that she had
spent with her cousin when they were in their night-gowns. She
did not particularize these sexual relations. Under the
board-walk the boy H. and I once defecated in bottles. Some
little girls who lived opposite us pulled up their dresses one
night and "dared" each other to dance out beyond the end of the
house, in full view of the road. We boys merely looked on.

I now fell passionately in love with a remarkably handsome little
boy of my own age. I longed to kiss and hug him, but I did not
dare to do so, for he was haughty and intolerant of my
attentions. I even allowed him to stand with one foot on me and
remark in a loud tone: "I am Conqueror!" I endured no end