no
girl friends. After this period the lower side of my nature woke
up as a giant refreshed with wine, and I underwent for many years
a constant struggle with my nature, in which religion always
triumphed in the end. I never fell into fornication, though
sometimes into the vice of masturbation. These outbursts of
desire were periodic, about ten or fourteen days apart, and would
last several days. I must record also the fact that from the time
this awakening took place my ideal views of woman no longer
seemed incompatible with sexual relations. I noticed that at
about 27 there was a lessening of the desire, but that may have
been due to overwork and consequent nervous exhaustion. I had a
good deal of worry and studied daily for about eight hours. In
any case the impulse was strongest during the years above
mentioned. A little later in life, for a time, I became attached
to a girl, and eventually engaged. I then observed, greatly to my
sorrow and annoyance, that whenever I met this lady, or even
thought of her, erections took place. This was particularly
painful to me, as my thoughts were not of a lustful or impure
character. Sometimes sitting by her at a religious service this
would occur, when certainly my mind was far away from anything of
the kind. That was the first woman ever kissed by me, except of
course members of my immediate family circle. Later on my
thoughts turned to marriage, and there was a great longing at
times for this event to take place. However, as this attachment
afterward became the great sorrow of my life for years, it needs
no more comment. This closes one chapter of my history, and at
present I do not propose to add another, as in a great measure it
is only partly written. It may be well here to state that there
has never been in me the slightest homosexual desire; in fact it
has always appeared as a thing utterly inconceivable and
disgustingly loathsome. I am fond of the society of both men and
women, but on the whole prefer the latter. I have had several
warm and intimate though platonic friendships, and get on
exceedingly well with the other sex, although not a good-looking
man. I have always been attracted to women by their spiritual or
mental qualities, rather than by physical beauty, and feel
strongly that the latter alone would never cause me