sed as I was in the warnings against masturbation, I found
pleasure one afternoon when I was alone in slipping my penis
through the open handle of a pair of scissors and in violently
flapping my partially erect organ until a strange, sweet thrill
crept over me from top to toe and a drop of clear liquid oozed
from my member. But I gave up the manipulation with scissors,
finding a greater satisfaction in masturbating while I was
defecating or just after it. I either pumped my organ by slipping
the prepuce back and forth, or I grasped the organ at its root
and violently jerked it back and forth. I soon began to
masturbate not only every time that I defecated, but also at
night just before I went to sleep, and sometimes early in the
morning. On the whole I preferred the jerking just described. I
always brought about ejaculation after perhaps five minutes of
violent exertion.

My penis became chafed at the root, but I did not especially
care. I remember the afternoon that I masturbated for the first
time while I was defecating in the school water-closet. I cannot
recall that at first I thought of coitus while I masturbated. On
one occasion I masturbated over the _vase de nuit_ after a
delightful afternoon of tobogganing exploration up and down the
mountain.

During this first year of abuse, I felt no ill effects
whatsoever, although I realized, in an unthinking way, that I was
doing wrong. But sexuality had assumed the proportion of a
regular feature of our school life. It was difficult for me to
place a "universal" view in its true perspective. I used to smile
at the glazed, dull morning eye of poor H., who was a stunted boy
of 15, and thus could not endure his losses so well as I could
endure them. The qualms of conscience which I suffered were lost
in my delight in my dawning sexual life. Sometimes I lay on my
stomach in bed, and by placing my hand under my scrotum,
according to the directions of J., brought up a pretty girl to
mind. Just before Sunday school G., our chief reprobate, and the
rest of us would hunt out what we considered to be nasty texts of
Scripture. The chapter concerning the whoredoms of Aholah and
Aholibah gave me an especial pleasure. T. mentioned the giggling
that occurred at prayers in the lower dormitory when the details
of Esau's birth were read