ly
to attempt with him mutual paedicatio. On the morning after our
nights of sensuality I felt "gone" and miserable, but not
repentant. By afternoon I was myself again. My relations with G.
were purely animal, for I disliked his jealous disposition, his
horse-laugh, his features, his form, his withdrawn scrotum and
his undersized penis. At home in the evening I often found myself
inflamed with a mental picture of active _fellatio_ with him, but
I never performed this act, so far as I remember.

One of my great sexual desires was to walk along a fence on which
a girl was seated. In order that I might feast my eyes on her
pudenda she must not wear drawers.

When I turned 14 I had been, from my unusual size, in long
trousers for several months. I entered a private day-school and
progressed brilliantly in my studies. I kept up masturbation
almost daily, sometimes twice a day, both in the water closet and
in bed. I can remember ejaculating before urination in the school
_cabinet_. At night I often found myself longing for the return
of my sister, seven years my junior, in order that I might
embrace her in bed and fondle her genitals. I had done these
things during my Christmas vacation of the year before. I mildly
reproached myself for such incestuous desires, but they recurred
continually. I dreamed little. And I cannot remember the
character of my dreams. My waking _libido_ spent itself mostly in
longings to embrace (without lustful acts) the forms of little
boys of exquisite blonde beauty and thick hair. Narcissism may
have been present, for in my twelfth year I had been told that at
the age of 5 and 6 I was an extraordinarily beautiful little
creature with long, lint-white hair. The preferable age was from
6 to 9. My eye was alert on the streets for boys answering to
this description, and a street boy with long, white hair so won
my passion that I followed him to his home and asked his mother
if he might call on me and "play some games." As I did not even
know the boy's name and had never seen him before, I was
wonderingly refused. I sought in vain to find the whereabouts of
another long-haired street boy whom I burned to embrace and load
with benefits. I had a boundless desire for such a boy as this to
idolize me--to look into my face out of big eyes and lose himself