f facial composure and my inability to look
people in the eye might be commented upon. I tingled with
apprehension, especially in the region of my stomach. Every nerve
was taut in the effort I made to appear composed. I masturbated
with erections over nothing. Greek recitations were for me an
_auto da fe_. My heart beat like a trip-hammer at the thought of
getting up to recite, and once on my feet my voice shook and my
mind wandered. I hated the thought of people behind me looking at
me. I rarely summoned the courage to turn my head either one way
or the other. I vastly admired the "bravery" of the small,
15-year-old boy who recited so calmly and so well. I was too
cowardly to play foot-ball and base-ball, and I dreaded even my
favorite tennis because the spectators put me in a state of
scared self-consciousness. Knowing my own condition, I was yet so
blind to it most of the time, and such a Jekyll-and-Hyde, that I
actually pitied a boy of 19 who was an eccentric and a scared
victim of masturbation. But in spite of my neuropathic condition
I developed intellectually. I do not touch upon this aspect of my
life, however, because I am trying to limit myself strictly to
sexual manifestations. At the present time I have not the courage
to continue the narrative.

HISTORY III.--The following narrative is written by a clergyman,
age 40, unmarried:--

My childhood and early boyhood were unmarked by sexual phenomena,
beyond occasional erections, which commenced when about 5 years
of age, without any exciting causes. These were accompanied by
some degree of excitement, of the same nature as that which I
experienced in later years. I was absolutely ignorant of sexual
matters, but always had an idea that the essential difference
between man and woman was to be found in the genital organs. This
was sometimes a matter for thought and curiosity.

Being for many years an only child I saw little of other
children, and formed the habit of amusing myself with making
things--boats, houses, etc.--and acquired a taste for science.
When I could read I preferred biography, history, and poetry to
anything else.

When I was 13 years old and at a large school I heard for the
first time of coitus, but very imperfectly. For a few days it
filled my thoughts and mind, but feeling it was too eng