The Project Gutenberg EBook of Perfect Behavior, by Donald Ogden Stewart

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Title: Perfect Behavior
A Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in all Social Crises

Author: Donald Ogden Stewart

Posting Date: August 26, 2008 [EBook #1446]
Release Date: September, 1998

Language: English

Character set encoding: ASCII

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PERFECT BEHAVIOR ***

Produced by Charles Keller

PERFECT BEHAVIOR

By Donald Ogden Stewart

A Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in all Social Crises

Those who are not self-possessed obtrude
and pain us.--EMERSON

PERFECT BEHAVIOR

A parody outline of etiquette by the Author of "A Parody
Outline of History"

The perfect gentleman is he who never unintentionally causes
pain.--OLD PROVERB

TO THE BRIDEGROOM WHOSE WEDDING WAS RUINED
BECAUSE THE BRIDE CAME DOWN THE AISLE
ON THE RIGHT INSTEAD OF THE LEFT
ARM OF HER FATHER
With Deepest Sympathy

CONTENTS

Chapter
I. THE ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP
A Few Words about Love--Curious Incident in a Yellow Taxicab--A
Silly Girl--Correct Introductions and how to Make Them--A
Well Known Congressman's Ludicrous Mistake in a Turkish
Bath--Cards and Flowers--Flowers and their Message in
Courtship--"A Clean Tooth Never Decays"--Receiving an
Invitation to Call--The Etiquette of Telephoning-A Telephone
Girl's Horrible End--Making the First Call--Conversation and
Some of its Uses--A Proper Call--The Proposal Proper-The Proposal
Improper--What Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Said to the
ex-Clergyman's Niece.

II. THE ETIQUETTE OF ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS
The Historic Aspect--Announcing the Engagement--A Breton Fisher
Girl's Experience with a Traveling Salesman--The Bride-to-Be--The
Engagement Luncheon--Selecting the Bridal Party--Invitations and
Wedding Presents--A Good Joke on the Groom--"Madam, those are
my trousers"--Duties of the Best Man--A Demented Taxidermist's
Strange Gift--The Bride's Tea--The Maid of Honor--What Aunt
Edna Saw on the Club Porch-The Bachelor Dinner and After-Some
Practical Uses for Bi-Carbonate of Soda--The Rehearsal--Th