which bench it would be proper to sit on if you are (1) a
young man just out of college--(2) a rather homely young woman? To avoid
embarrassment look this up in PERFECT BEHAVIOR.}

{illustration caption = A jolly crowd is boarding the 4:56 for a
house-party in the suburbs. The gentleman at the right, having been
educated abroad, has never learned to play the ukelele, the banjo, the
jew's harp or the saxophone, and is, with the best intentions in the
world, attempting to contribute his share to the gaiety of the coming
evenings by bringing along his player-piano. Would you--be honest!--have
recognized his action as a serious social blunder without having
referred to PERFECT BEHAVIOR?}

{illustration caption = The young mother in the picture is traveling
from one point to another in a Pullman. In the effort to commit as great
a nuisance as possible, she has provided her child with a banana and a
hard boiled egg. Not having dipped into the chapter on travel in PERFECT
BEHAVIOR, she is ignorant of the fact that a peach would have produced
quite as much mess and far more permanent stains and a folding cup for
the water cooler would have spread the disturbance over a wider area.}

CARDS AND FLOWERS

The next day, however, you should send flowers, enclosing another of
your cards. It might be well to write some message on the card recalling
the events of the preceding evening--nothing intimate, but simply a
reminder of your first meeting and a suggestion that you might possibly
desire to continue the acquaintanceship. Quotations from poetry of the
better sort are always appropriate; thus, on this occasion, it might
be nice to write on the card accompanying the flowers--"'This is the
forest primeval'--H. W. Longfellow," or "'Take, oh take, those lips
away'--W. Shakespeare." You will find there are hundreds of lines
equally appropriate for this and other occasions, and in this
connection it might be well to display a little originality at times by
substituting pertinent verses of your own in place of the conventional
quotations. For example--"This is the forest primeval, I regret your
last evening's upheaval," shows the young lady in question that not only
are you well-read in classic poetry, but also you have no mean talent
of your own. Too much originality, however, is dangerous, especially in
polite social intercourse, and I need hardly remind you that the floors
of the social ocean are watered with the tears of tho