trains, and about 6:30 or 7 you should leave
your companions in the "smoker" and walk through the train until you
reach the "diner." Here you will seat yourself at a table with three
other gentlemen, the first of whom will be remarking, as you sit
down, "and I know for a fact that this bootlegger is making over fifty
thousand dollars a year."

A CORRECT NIGHT IN A PULLMAN

Before the days of modern railroads one could not very well travel over
night but now, thanks to Mr. Pullman, it is possible for the traveller
to go to bed en route and be every bit as snug and comfortable as the
proverbial insect in a rug. Shortly after dinner the porter will "make
up" the berths in the car and when you desire to retire for the night you
should ask him to bring you the ladder in order that you may ascend to
upper 9. While you are waiting you should stand in the aisle and remove
your coat, vest and shoes, and then begin to search for your suitcase
which you will finally locate by crawling on your chin and stomach under
berth number 11. When you again resume an upright position the train
will give a sudden lurch, precipitating you into berth number 12. A
woman's voice will then say "Alice?" to which you should of course
answer "No" and climb quickly up the ladder into your proper berth.

A great deal of "to do" is often made of the difficulty involved in
undressing in an upper berth but most of this is quite uncalled for.
Experienced travellers now generally wait until the lights of the car
have been dimmed or extinguished when the disrobing can be done quite
simply in five counts, as follows: One--unloosen all clothing and lie
flat on the back. The respiration should be natural, easy and through
the lungs. The muscles should be relaxed; Two--pivoting on the back of
the head and neck, inhale quickly, at the same time drawing the
muscles of the legs and arms sharply under the body, as for a spring;
Three--spring suddenly upward and to the right (or left), catching the
bell cord (which extends along the roof of the train) with the teeth,
hands and feet; Four--holding firmly to the cord with the knees,
describe a sudden arc downward with the head and body, returning to
position as soon as the shirt and undershirt have dropped off into
the aisle; Five--taking a firm hold on the cord with the teeth, let go
sharply with the knees. The trousers, etc., should at once slide off,
and you can (and, in fact, should) then swing yourself quickly