type of woman and it
is really only a kindness to her and her husband to keep her from
embarrassing you with her attentions during the rest of the evening.

After you have removed your coat, you should go to the ball room where
you will find the dance in full swing--full being of course used in its
common or alcoholic sense. Take your place in the stag line and don't,
under any circumstances, allow anyone to induce you to cut in on any of
the dancers. In the first place, you won't be able to dance because Dry
Agents, like Englishmen, never can; secondly, if you TRY to dance, you
are taking the enormous chance, especially at a masquerade, that the man
who introduced you to your partner will disappear for the rest of the
evening, leaving you with Somebody's Albatross hanging around your
neck. And, of all Albatrosses, the married one is perhaps farthest
South--especially if she happens to be a little tight and wants to talk
about her husband and children.

Your policy, therefore, should be one of complete non-partisanship. If
you do not dance, do not let yourself be drawn into conversation, and do
not, above all things, show any consideration for the host or hostess.
By closely observing the actions of the men and women about you, by
wandering down into the club bar, by peeking into the automobiles
parked outside the club, you will probably be able to obtain sufficient
evidence of the presence of alcohol to justify a raid. And then, when
you have raided the Glen Cove Country Club, you can turn your attention
to the 12,635,439 other clubs and private houses where the same thing is
going on. And, if Mr. Volstead has a dress suit, you might take him with
you, and show him just how beautifully Prohibition is working and how
enthusiastic the better classes of American society are about it.

CHAPTER SIX: A CHAPTER FOR SCHOOLGIRLS

Every Fall a larger number of young girls leave home to come East to
the various Finishing Schools in this section of the country. For the
benefit of those who are making this trip for the first time, we outline
a few of the more important points in connection with the preliminaries
to the trip East, together with minute instructions as to the journey
itself.

SELECTING A PROPER SCHOOL

This is, of course, mainly a parent's problem and is best solved by
resorting to the following formula: Let A and B represent two young
girls' finishing schools in the East. Mrs. Raleigh-Jones (X), from the