ninoff. And then, before the boy has time to breathe
--SHOOT! "Did you knoow that he has a daughter at Vassar?"

Although not necessary, it might be well to finish off the poor fellow
at the end of the concert with one or two well placed depth bombs. My
own particular favorite for this is the following, accompanied by a low
sigh: "After all--Beethoven IS Beethoven."

CORRECT BEHAVIOR AT A PIANO RECITAL

The same procedure is recommended for the piano or violin recital, with
the possible addition of certain phrases such as "Yes--of course, she
has technique--but, my dear, so has an electric piano." This remark
gives you a splendid opportunity for sarcasm at the expense of Mr.
Duo-Art and other manufacturers of mere mechanical perfection; the word
"soul"--pronounced with deep feeling, as when repeating a fish order to
a stupid waiter--may be introduced effectively several times.

The program at these recitals is likely to be more complex than that
at a symphony concert. This is a distinct advantage, for it gives you a
splendid opportunity to catch some wretch applauding before the music
is really finished. Nothing is quite comparable to the satisfaction of
smiling knowingly at your neighbors when this faux pas is committed,
unless it be the joy of being the first to applaud at the REAL
conclusion. This latter course, however, is fraught with danger for the
beginner; the chances for errors in judgment are many, and the only sure
way to avoid anachronistic applause is to play the safe game and
refrain altogether from any expression of approval--a procedure which
is heartily recommended for the musically ignorant, it being also the
practise among the majority of the critics.

IN A BOX AT THE OPERA

The opera differs from the symphony concert, or piano recital, in the
same way that the army drill command of "At Ease!" differs from "Rest!"
When one of these orders (I never could remember which is given to a
battalion in formation), it signifies that talking is permitted; opera,
of course, corresponds to that command.

Before the invention of the phonograph it was often necessary for the
opera goer to pay some attention to the performance--at least while
certain favorite arias were being sung; this handicap to the enjoyment
of opera has now fortunately been overcome and one can devote one's
entire attention to other more important things, safe in one's knowledge
that one has Galli-Curci at home on the Vic.

In orde