f our younger college
generation are already casting envious eyes toward the rich rewards,
the social opportunities and the exciting life of the professional
bootlegger.

It might be well to interest some of these promising youngsters in the
no less exciting occupation of National Prohibition Enforcement Officer.
At present the chief difficulty seems to lie in the fact that, in our
preparatory schools and colleges, a young man acquires a certain code
of honor which causes him to look with distaste on what he calls
pussyfooting and sneaking.

People too often forget that, in order to make effective such a
universally beneficent law, any means are justified. It will be, I hope,
only a matter of years before this distrust of the "sneak" will have
died out, and the Dry Agent will come to be regarded with the
reverence and respect due to one who devotes his life to the altruistic
investigation of his neighbor's affairs.

THE COLLEGE GRADUATE AS DRY AGENT

Then, too, many young college men are deterred from becoming Dry Agents
by thinking of the comparative scantiness of the monetary rewards. This
difficulty is only an imaginary one--for, luckily, as soon as a man's
code of honor has been elevated to the extent that it permits him to
take up a career of pussy-footing there is generally eliminated at the
same time any objection he might have to what is often called bribery.
Thus, by a fortunate combination of circumstances, a Dry Agent is
enabled to serve mankind and, at the same time, greatly increase his own
personal fortune.

But we cannot wait until our college graduates come to regard
pussyfooting as a career. We must do what we can with the material at
our disposal. We must in some way educate our present Dry Agents so
that they can go to any function in polite society and remain as
inconspicuous and as completely disregarded as the host. As a first step
in such a social training I offer the following suggestions, in the hope
that before long no function will be complete without the presence
of four or five correctly dressed National Prohibition Enforcement
Officers, ready and eager to arrest the host and hostess and all the
guests on the slightest provocation.

PLANNING A DRY RAID ON A MASQUERADE BALL

Let us suppose, for example, that you are a Dry Agent and that your name
is Isador Eisenberg, and, one day, you and your chief are sitting around
the Dry Agent's Club and he says to you, "Izzy--I see by the p