t if suppressed titters and
half audible chuckles follow her about the room. PERFECT BEHAVIOR would
have taught her that it is not the prerogative of a muddy-complexioned
dud--even if she has had only one dance and her costume is very
expensive--to cut in on a gentleman (by grabbing his neck or any other
method) when he is dancing with the wide-eyed beauty from the South who
leaves in five minutes to catch a train. He will be within his rights
when, at the end of five minutes, after three unsuccessful attempts to
loosen her grip, he will carry her into the garden under false pretences
and there play the hose on her until she drowns.

{illustration caption = They are leaving the home of an intimate friend
of several weeks' standing, after having witnessed a Private Theatrical.
Both feel that some return should be made for their hostess's kindness
but neither is certain as to just what form the return should take. The
Book of PERFECT BEHAVIOR would have pointed out to them that the only
adequate and satisfactory revenge for this sort of thing is to invite
the lady, as soon as possible without exciting her suspicion, to attend
an Italian opera or a drawing-room musicale.

IN THE SUBWAY

The rules governing correct behavior in the underground "subway" systems
of our great cities (particularly the New York subways) are, however,
much more simple and elemental than the etiquette for surface cars. In
the subway, for example, if you are a married man and living with your
wife, or head of a family, i. e., a person who actually supports one or
more persons living in (or under) his (or her) household on the last
day of the preceding calendar year, provided that such person or persons
shall not on or before July 1 or if July 1 shall fall on a Sunday then
on the day nearest preceding July 1, himself (or themselves) have filed
a separate report as provided in paragraph (g), you should precede a
lady when entering, and follow a lady when leaving, the train.

A HONEYMOON IN A SUBWAY

On the other hand, a wedding or a "honeymoon" trip in a subway brings
up certain problems of etiquette which are entirely different from the
above. Let us suppose, for example, that the wedding takes place at high
noon in exclusive old "Trinity" church, New York. The nearest subway
is of course the "Interborough" (West Side) and immediately after the
ceremony the lucky couple can run poste haste to the "Battery" and board
a Lenox Ave. Local. A