f taking one of these she should stand up in front of some
young man and glare at him until he gets up and gives her his place.

It is not customary in American cities for ladies to thank gentlemen who
provide them with seats.

After a few minutes she should turn to the man at her right and ask
"Does this car go to Madison Heights?" He will answer "No." She should
then turn to the man on her left and ask "Does this car go to Madison
Heights?" He will answer "No." Her next question--"Does this car go to
Madison Heights?"--should be addressed to a man across the aisle, and
the answer will be "No." She should then listen attentively while
the conductor calls out the names of the streets and as he shouts
"Blawmnoo!" she should ask the man at her right "Did he say Madison
Heights?" He will reply "No." At the next street the conductor will
shout "Blawmnoo!" at which she should ask "Did he say Madison Heights?"
Once more the answer will be in the negative. The car will proceed, the
conductor will now call "Blawmnoo!" and as the elderly lady once more
says "Did he say Madison Heights?" the man at her left, the man at her
right, the man across the aisle and eight other male passengers will
shout "YES!"

It is then correct for her to pickup her umbrella and, carefully waiting
until the conductor has pulled the "go ahead" signal, she should cry
"Wait a minute, conductor--I want to get off here." The car will then
be stopped and she should say "Is this Madison Heights?" to which the
conductor will reply "This ain't the Madison Heights car, lady." She
should then say "But you called out Madison Heights," to which he will
answer "No, lady--that's eight miles in the opposite direction." She
should then leave the street car, not forgetting, however, to take the
conductor's number again.

The above hints for "tram" car etiquette apply, of course, only to
elderly ladies. For young men and women the procedure would be in many
cases quite different. A young married woman, for example, on entering a
street car, should always have her ticket or small "change" so securely
buried in the fourth inside pocketbook of her handbag that she cannot
possibly find it inside of twelve minutes. Three or more middle-aged
ladies, riding together, should never decide as to who is to pay the
fare until the conductor has gone stark raving mad.

{illustration caption = Her conduct has stamped the young lady as a
provincial and it is not to be wondered a