shouting, "Mademoiselle from Armentieres--parlez vous!" Those are
your ushers.

Opening the door of the room you step forward and announce, "Fellows,
we have got to go to a tea right away. Come on--let's go." At this,
ten young men in cutaways will stand up and shout, "Yeaaa--the best
man--give the best man a drink!" From then on, at twelve minute
intervals, it is your duty to say, "Fellows, we have got to go to a tea
right away. Come on--let's go." Each time you will be handed another
drink, which you may take with either your right or left hand.

After an hour the telephone will ring. It will be the groom. He will
say, "Everybody is waiting for you and the ushers," to which you reply,
"We are just leaving." He then says, "And don't forget to tell them what
I told you about her father and mother."

You then hang up the receiver, take a drink in one hand and say,
"Fellows, I have a very solemn message for you. It's a message which
is of deep importance to each one of us. Fellows--her father and mother
object to the use of alcohol in any form."

This statement will be greeted with applause and cheers. You will all
then take one more drink, put on your silk hats and gray gloves, and
leave the room singing, "Her father and mother object to drink--parlez
vous."

The tea given by the bride's parents is generally a small affair to
which only the members of the wedding party are invited. When you and
the ushers arrive, you will find the bride, the maid of honor and the
bridesmaids waiting for you. As you enter the room, make a polite bow
to the bride's father and mother, and be sure to apologize for your
lateness. Nothing so betrays the social "oil can" as a failure to make
a plausible excuse for tardiness. Whenever you are late for a party you
must always have ready some good reason for your fault, such as, "Excuse
me, Mrs. Doe, I'm afraid I am a little late, but you see, just as I was
dressing, this filling dropped out of my tooth and I had to have it put
back in." If the host and hostess seem to doubt your statement, it would
be well to show them the recalcitrant filling in question, although if
they are "well-bred" they will probably in most cases take you at your
word.

THE MAID OF HONOR

You and the ushers will then be introduced to the bridesmaids and the
maid of honor. As you meet this latter young lady, who is the bride's
older sister and, of course, your partner for the remainder of the
wedding festivities