, she will say, "The best man? Well, they say that
the best man wins... Ha! Ha! Ha!" This puts her in class G 6 without
further examination, and your only hope of prolonging your life
throughout the next two days lies in the frequent and periodic
administration of stimulants.

THE BACHELOR DINNER AND AFTER

That evening the groom gives for the best man and the ushers what is
known as a "bachelor dinner." It is his farewell to his men friends
as he passes out of the state of bachelorhood. The formal passing out
generally occurs toward the end of the dinner, and is a quaint ceremony
participated in by most of those present.

It is customary for the best man to wake up about noon of the following
day. You will not have the slightest idea as to where you are or how
you got there. You will be wearing your dress trousers, your stiff or
pleated bosom dress shirt, black socks and pumps, and the coat of your
pajamas. In one hand you will be clutching a chrysanthemum. After a few
minutes there will come a low moan from the next bed. That is usually
the groom, also in evening dress with the exception that he has tried
to put on the trousers of your pajamas over his dress trousers. You then
say, "What happened?" to which he replies, "Oh, Judas." You wait several
minutes. In the next room you hear the sound of a shower bath and some
one whistling. The bath stops; the whistling continues. The door then
opens and there enters one of the ushers. He is the usher who always
"feels great" the next day after the bachelor dinner. He says to you,
"Well, boys, you look all in." You do not reply. He continues, "Gosh,
I feel fine." You make no response. He then begins to chuckle, "I don't
suppose you remember," he says, "what you said to the bride's mother
when I brought you home last night." You sit quickly up in bed. "What
did I say?" you ask. "Was I tight?" "Were you tight?" he replies, still
chuckling. "Don't you remember what you said? And don't you remember
trying to get the bride's father to slide down the banisters with you?
Were you tight--Oh, my gosh!" He then exits, chuckling. Statistics of
several important life insurance companies show that that type of man
generally dies a violent death before the age of thirty.

THE REHEARSAL

The rehearsal for the wedding is usually held in the church on the
afternoon preceding the day of the nuptials. The ushers, of course, are
an hour late, which gives the bridegroom (Bap.) an opportu