the securing of an introduction.
Introductions still play an important part in social intercourse, and
many errors are often perpetrated by those ignorant of savoir faire
(correct form). When introducing a young lady to a stranger for example,
it is not au fait (correct form) to simply say, "Mr. Roe, I want you to
shake hands with my friend Dorothy." Under the rules of the beau monde
(correct form) this would probably be done as follows: "Dorothy (or Miss
Doe), shake hands with Mr. Roe." Always give the name of the lady first,
unless you are introducing some one to the President of the United
States, the Archbishop of Canterbury, a member of the nobility above a
baron, or a customer. The person who is being "introduced" then extends
his (or her) right ungloved hand and says, "Shake." You "shake," saying
at the same time, "It's warm (cool) for November (May)," to which the
other replies, "I'll say it is."

This brings up the interesting question of introducing two people to
each other, neither of whose names you can remember. This is generally
done by saying very quickly to one of the parties, "Of course you know
Miss Unkunkunk." Say the last "unk" very quickly, so that it sounds like
any name from Ab to Zinc. You might even sneeze violently. Of course, in
nine cases out of ten, one of the two people will at once say, "I didn't
get the name," at which you laugh, "Ha! Ha! Ha!" in a carefree manner
several times, saying at the same time, "Well, well--so you didn't
get the name--you didn't get the name--well, well." If the man still
persists in wishing to know who it is to whom he is being introduced,
the best procedure consists in simply braining him on the spot with a
club or convenient slab of paving stone.

The "introduction," in cases where you have no mutual friend to do the
introducing, is somewhat more difficult but can generally be arranged as
follows:

Procure a few feet of stout manila rope or clothes-line, from any of
the better-class hardware stores. Ascertain (from the Social Register,
preferably) the location of the young lady's residence, and go there
on some dark evening about nine o'clock. Fasten the rope across the
sidewalk in front of the residence about six inches or a foot from the
ground. Then, with the aid of a match and some kerosene, set fire to
the young lady's house in several places and retire behind a convenient
tree. After some time, if she is at home, she will probably be forced to
run ou