he knows."

EXPERTS

There was a chicken-stealing case before the court. The colored culprit
pleaded guilty and was duly sentenced. But the circumstances of the case
had provoked the curiosity of the judge, so that he questioned the darky
as to how he had managed to take those chickens and carry them off from
right under the window of the owner's house, and that with a savage dog
loose in the yard. But the thief was not minded to explain. He said:

"Hit wouldn't be of no use, jedge, to try to 'splain dis ting to
you-all. Ef you was to try it you more'n like as not would git yer hide
full o' shot an' git no chickens, nuther. Ef you want to engage in any
rascality, jedge, you better stick to de bench, whar you am familiar."

EXPLICITNESS

On her return home after an absence of a few hours, the mother was
displeased to find that little Emma, who was ailing, had not taken her
pill at the appointed time, although she had been carefully directed to
do so.

"You were very naughty, Emma," the mother chided. "I told you to be sure
and take that pill."

"But, mamma," the child pleaded in extenuation, "you didn't tell me
where to take it to."

EXTRAVAGANCE

A rich and listless lady patron examined the handbags in a leading
jeweler's shop in New York City. The clerk exhibited one bag five inches
square, made of platinum and with one side almost covered with a setting
of diamonds. This was offered at a price of $9,000.

But the lady surveyed the expensive bauble without enthusiasm. She
turned it from side to side and over and over, regarding it with a
critical eye and frowning disapprovingly. At last she voiced her
comment:

"Rather pretty, but I don't like this side without diamonds. Honestly,
the thing looks skimpy--decidedly skimpy!"

For $7,000 additional, the objectional skimpiness was corrected.

FACTS

The burly man spoke lucidly to his gangling adversary:

"You're a nincompoop, a liar and hoss-thief."

The other man protested, with a whine in his voice:

"Sech talk ain't nice--and, anyhow, 'tain't fair twittin' on facts."

FASHION

After years of endeavor in poverty, the inventor made a success, and
came running home with pockets bulging real money. He joyously strewed
thousand-dollar bills in his wife's lap, crying:

"Now, at last, my dear, you will be able to buy you some decent
clothes."

"I'll do nothing of the kind," was the sharp retort. "I'll get the same
kind the other women are