"Does anybody know how to pray?"

One man spoke confidently in answer:

"Yes, Captain, I do."

The captain nodded.

"That's all right then," he declared. "You go ahead and pray. The rest
of us will put on life-belts. They're one short."

PREACHER

A colored deacon who was the leader in a congregation down South, wrote
to the bishop to explain the need of a minister for the church. He
concluded his appeal as follows:

"Send us a Bishop to preach. If you can't send us a Bishop, send us a
Sliding Elder. If you can't send a Sliding Elder, send us a Stationary
Preacher. If you can't spare him, send us a Circus Eider. If you can't
spare him, send us a Locust Preacher. And if you can't send a Locust
Preacher, send us an Exhauster."

PRECAUTION

When the colored couple were being married by the clergyman, and the
words, "love, honor and obey" were spoken, the bridegroom interrupted:

"Read that again, suh! read it once moh, so's de lady kin ketch de full
solemnity ob de meanin'. I'se been married befoh."

* * *

The lawyer for the defense, in the damage suit, asked the witness who
had seen the plaintive struck by the automobile, how far the victim was
thrown by the impact.

"Fifteen feet, six and three-quarter inches," was the instant response.

"You seem to be very exact in your figures," exclaimed the lawyer
sarcastically. "How does that happen?"

"I guessed some fool lawyer would ask me," the witness answered, "and I
measured the distance."

PRECOCITY

The playwright rushed up to the critic at the club.

"I've had a terrible misfortune," he announced. "My little
three-year-old boy got at my new play, and tore it all to pieces."

"Extraordinary that a child so young should be able to read," said the
critic.

PREMATURENESS

Ikey saw his friend Jakey in the smoking-car when he entered, and sat
down in the same seat.

"How was that fire in your place last week, Jakey?" he inquired.

Jakey started nervously.

"Sh!" he whispered. "It vas next week."

PREPAREDNESS

The small boy was directed to soak his feet in salt water to toughen
them. He considered the matter thoughtfully, and then remarked to
himself:

"It's pretty near time for me to ket a lickin', I guess I'd better sit
in it."

* * *

The two scrub women met and chattered to this effect:

Mrs. Riley--Och, Missus O'Rafferty, I hear yez be worru