nes_ (_who is of an inquiring mind_): "Ain't you getting _tired_ of
hearing people say, 'That is the beautiful Miss Belsize!'?"

_Miss Belsize_ (_a professional beauty_): "Oh, no. I'm getting tired of
hearing people say, 'Is _that_ the beautiful Miss Belsize?'"

* * *

_Mrs. Montague Smart_ (_suddenly, to bashful youth, who has not opened
his lips since he was introduced to her a quarter of an hour ago_): "And
now let us talk of something else!"

* * *

_Mamma:_ "It's very late, Emily. Has anybody taken you down to supper?"

_Fair Debutante_ (_who has a fine healthy appetite_): "Oh, yes,
Mamma--several people!"

* * *

_Guest:_ "Well, good-bye, Old Man!--and you've really got a very nice
little place here!"

_Host:_ "Yes; but it's rather bare, just now. I hope the trees will have
grown a good bit before you're back, Old Man!"

* * *

_She:_ "No! I can't give you another dance. But I'll introduce you to
the prettiest girl in the room!"

_He:_ "But I don't _want_ to dance with the prettiest girl in the room.
I want to dance with _you_!"

* * *

"I warn you, Sir! The discourtesy of this bank is beyond all limits. One
word more and I--I withdraw my overdraft."

* * *

_Wife_ (_at upper window_): "Where you bin this hour of the night?"

"I've bin at me union, considerin' this 'ere strike."

"Well--you can stay down there an' consider this 'ere lock-out."

* * *

_Motor-Launch Officer_ (_who has rung for full-speed without result_):
"What's the matter?"

_Voice-from below:_ "One of the cylinders is missing, Sir."

_Commander:_ "Well, look sharp and find the bally thing--we want to get
on."

* * *

_Mother:_ "Did you remember to pray for everybody, dear?"

_Daughter:_ "Well, Mummy, I prayed for you, but Jack prayed for Daddy.
He's looking after him just now."

* * *

JUSTIFICATION

_Wife:_ "_Two_ bottles of ginger ale, dear?"

_He:_ "Why, yes. Have you forgotten that this is the anniversary of our
wedding-day?"

* * *

_First Flapper:_ "The cheek of that conductor! He glared at me as if I
hadn't