s that everyone he
knows shall know it all, too."

* * *

THE FLOOR HELD

"Did your watch stop when it dropped on the floor?" asked one man of his
friend.

"Sure," was the answer. "Did you think it would go through?"

* * *

HIS DIFFICULTY

_Real Estate Agent:_ "This tobacco plantation is a bargain. I don't see
why you hesitate. What are you worrying about?"

_Prospective, but Inexperienced, Purchaser:_ "I was just wondering
whether I should plant cigars or cigarettes."

* * *

THE REAL JOB

"What's this new conference they're going to have in America?"

"Oh, they're going to make peace among the Allies."

* * *

OFF LIKE A SHOT

It was a case of attempted murder, in which the prisoner was accused of
having fired twice at his intended victim. One of the witnesses for the
prosecution was being severely cross-examined by the defending counsel.

"You say that you heard both shots fired?" he asked sternly.

"Yes, sir."

"How near were you to the scene of the affair?"

"At the time the first shot was fired I was about twenty feet from the
prisoner."

"Twenty feet. Humph! Now tell the court how far you were off when you
heard the second shot."

"Well, sir," replied the witness slowly, "I didn't exactly measure the
distance; but, speaking approximately, I should say about half a mile."

* * *

ANSWERED

_She:_ "And what would you be now if it weren't for my money?"

_He:_ "A bachelor."

* * *

TO BE SURE

_Lily:_ "Harold proposed to me last night while turning the music for me
at the piano."

_Edith:_ "Ah, I see, dear; you played right into his hands!"

* * *

A CLOSE CALL

Pat was a simple country yokel who had never strayed from the outskirts
of his native village, and because he stood in a railway station for the
first time of his life, his amazement was great.

The vastness of his surroundings completely dazzled him, but when the
3.30 express dashed through the station, that did it. He kept his eyes
glued on the tunnel through which it had disappeared, staring after it
as though some kind of miracle had happened. He remained like this for
several minutes, much to the amusement of the onlookers, until at