her gum thoughtfully as she
commented:

"Tough luck to have to get out and grab a mess of snakes any time you
want an extry puff."

HARD TO PLEASE

The rather ferocious-appearing husband who had taken his wife to the
beach for a holiday scowled heavily at an amateur photographer, and
rumbled in a threatening bass voice:

"What the blazes d'ye mean, photographin' my wife? I saw ye when ye done
it."

The man addressed cringed, and replied placatingly:

"You're mistaken, really! I wouldn't think of doing such a thing."

"Ye wouldn't, eh?" the surly husband growled, still more savagely. "And
why not? I'd like to know. She's the handsomest woman on the beach."

HASTE

The colored man was condemned to be hanged, and was awaiting the time
set for execution in a Mississippi jail. Since all other efforts had
failed him, he addressed a letter to the governor, with a plea for
executive clemency. The opening paragraph left no doubt as to his
urgent need:

"Dear Boss: The white folks is got me in dis jail fixin' to hang me on
Friday mornin' and here it is Wednesday already."

HEARSAY

The convicted feudist was working for a pardon. It was reported to him
that the opposing clan was pulling wires against him, and spreading
false reports concerning him. He thereupon wrote a brief missive to the
governor:

"Deer guvner, if youve heared wat ive heared youve heared youve heared a
lie."

HEAVEN

The clergyman in the following story probably did not mean exactly what
he said, though, human nature being what it is, maybe it was true
enough.

A parishioner meeting the parson in the street inquired:

"When do you expect to see Deacon Jones again?"

"Never, never again!" the minister declared solemnly. "The deacon is in
heaven!"

HELP

The farmer found his new hired man very unsatisfactory. A neighbor who
chanced along inquired:

"How's that new hand o' your'n?"

"Cuss the critter!" was the bitter reply. "He ain't a hand--he's a sore
thumb."

* * *

A savage old boar got into a garden, and was doing much damage. When two
men tried to drive it out, the animal charged. One of the two climbed a
tree, the other dodged, and laid hold on the boar's tail. He hung on
desperately, and man and beast raced wildly round and round the tree.
Finally, the man shouted between gasps:

"For heaven's sake, Bill, climb down here, and help me leggo this ornery
old hog!"

HE