sextant. And Doctor Smith, he called me a virgin. And our young man,
he says I'm the sacrilege."

OBSTINACY

The old mountaineer and his wife arrived at a railway station, and for
the first time in their lives beheld a train of cars, which was standing
there. The husband looked the engine over very carefully, and shook his
head.

"Well, what do you think of it, father?" asked the old lady.

"She'll never start," was the firm answer: "she'll never start."

The conductor waved, the bell rang, the locomotive puffed, the train
moved slowly at first, then faster. It was disappearing in the distance
when the wife inquired slyly:

"Well, pa, what do you think of it now?"

The old man shook his head more violently than before.

"She'll never stop," he asserted; "she'll never stop!"

OMEN

The great pugilist was superstitious and fond of lobster. When the
waiter served one with a claw missing, he protested. The waiter
explained that this lobster had been worsted in a fight with another in
the kitchen. The great pugilist pushed back his plate.

"Carry him off," he commanded, "and bring me the winner."

OPTICAL ILLUSION

The sergeant rebuked the private angrily:

"Jenkins, why haven't you shaved this morning?"

"Why, ain't I shaved?" the private exclaimed, apparently greatly
surprised.

"No, you ain't," the sergeant snapped. "And I want to know the reason
why."

"Well, now, I guess it must be this way," Jenkins suggested. "There was
a dozen of us usin' the same bit of lookin' glass, an' I swan I must
have shaved somebody else."

OPTIMISM

The day laborer was of a cheerful disposition that naturally inclined to
seek out the good in every situation. He was a genuine optimist. Thus,
after tramping the three miles from home to begin the day's work on the
ditch, he discovered that he had been careless, and explained to a
fellow laborer:

"I've gone and done it now! I left my lunch at home."

Then, suddenly he beamed happily, as he added:

"And it's a good thing I did, for the matter of that, because I left my
teeth at home, too."

* * *

The optimist fell from the top story of a skyscraper. As he passed the
fourth story, he was overheard muttering:

"So far, so good!"

ORIENTATION

John B. Gough was fond of telling of a laird and his servant Sandy. The
two were on their way home on horseback late at night, and both were
much muddled by drink. At a