ford where the bank was steep, the laird
fell head first into the creek. He scrambled up, and shouted to his
servant:

"Hold on, Sandy! Something fell off--I heard it splash!"

Sandy climbed down from the saddle, and waded about blindly in the
shallow water, with groping hands. At last, he seized on the laird.

"Why, it's yerself, mon, as fell oof!"

"No, Sandy," the master declared stoutly. "It can't be me--here I am."
Then he, added: "But if it is me, get me back on the horse."

Sandy helped the laird to the horse, and boosted him up astride. In the
dark, the rider was faced the wrong way to.

"Gie me the reins," the master ordered.

Sandy felt about the horse's rump, and, then cried out, clutching the
tail:

"It waur the horse's head as fell off--nothin' left but the mane!"

"Gie me the mane, then," the laird directed stolidly. "I must een hae
something to hold on."

So, presently, when he had the tail firmly grasped in both hands, and
Sandy had mounted, the procession began to move. Whereat, the laird
shouted in dismay:

"Haud on, Sandy! It's gaein' the wrang way!"

OUTWORN

Tiny Clara heard her mother say that a neighboring lady had a new baby.
The tot puzzled over the matter, and at last sought additional
information:

"Oh, mumsy, what is she going to do with her old one?"

PARADOX

The amiable old lady was overheard talking to herself as she left the
church along with the crowd that had attended the services:

"If everybody else would only do as I do, and stay quietly in their
seats till everyone else has gone out, there would not be such a crush
at the doors."

* * *

Two friends from Ireland on a tour occupied the same bedchamber in a
country inn. During the night a fearful storm raged. John spoke of it in
the morning while the two men were dressing.

"Did it rain?" Dennis asked in surprise.

"Rain!" John exclaimed. "It was a deluge, and the lightnin' was blindin'
and the thunder was deafenin'. Sure, I never heard the like."

"For the love of Hivvin!" Dennis cried out. "Why didn't yez waken me?
Didn't yez know I never can slape whin it thunders!"

PASTORAL

Burdette quotes as follows a year's statistics of parochial work, as
compiled by a young curate:

"Preached 104 sermons, 18 mortuary discourses, solemnized 21 hymeneal
ceremonies, delivered 17 lectures, of which 16 were on secular and all
the rest on religious subjects; made 39 a