ddresses, of which all but 27
were on matters most nearly touching the vital religious concerns of the
church, read aloud in church 156 chapters of the Bible, 149 of which
were very long ones; made pastoral calls, 312; took tea on such
occasions, 312 times; distributed 804 tracts; visited the sick several
times; sat on the platform at temperance and other public meetings 47
times; had the headache Sabbath mornings, and so was compelled to appear
in a condition of physical pain, nervous prostration and bodily distress
that utterly unfitted him for public preaching, 104 times; picnics
attended, 10; dinners, 37; suffered from attacks of malignant dyspepsia,
37 times; read 748 hymns; instructed the choir in regard to the
selection of tunes, 1 time; had severe cold, 104 times; sore throat, 104
times; malaria, 104 times; wrote 3120 pages of sermons; declined
invitations to tea, 1 time; started the tune in prayer meeting, 2 times;
started the wrong tune, 2 times; sung hymns that nobody else knew, 2
times; received into church membership, 3; dismissed by letter, 49;
expelled, 16; lost, strayed, or stolen, 137."

PATRIOTISM

The Scotchman returned to his native town, Peebles, after a first visit
to London. He told the neighbors enthusiastically of his many wonderful
experiences in the metropolis. There was, however, no weakening in his
local loyalty, for at the end he cried out proudly:

"But, for real pleasure, gi'e me Peebles!"

* * *

There is no doubting the strong patriotism of the schoolboy who is the
hero of this tale, although he may have been weak on history. During an
examination in general history, he was asked:

"Who was the first man?"

He answered proudly, even enthusiastically, without any hesitation:

"George Washington, first in war, first in peace, first in the
hearts----"

But the teacher interrupted ruthlessly:

"Wrong! Adam was the first man."

The boy sniffed disgustedly.

"Oh!" he retorted. "I didn't know you were talking about foreigners."

* * *

The troops had been marching through a sea of mud for hours, when at
last they were lined up for inspection before a general. In the
evolution, a young cavalryman who had enlisted was thrown from his horse
into the muck, from which he emerged in a dreadful state, though
uninjured except in his feelings. The general himself, who had witnessed
the incident, rode up,