gratitude, and he added:

"Presents maintain friendship: they do not maintain a family."

"What is your fee?" the woman inquired.

"Two hundred dollars," was the answer.

The woman opened the purse, and took from it five $100 bills. She put
back three, handed two to the discomfited physician, then took her
departure.

GRIEF

At the wake, the bereaved husband displayed all the evidences of frantic
grief. He cried aloud heart-rendingly, and tore his hair. The other
mourners had to restrain him from leaping into the open coffin.

The next day, a friend who had been at the wake encountered the widower
on the street and spoke sympathetically of the great woe displayed by
the man.

"Did you go to the cemetery for the burying?" the stricken husband
inquired anxiously, and when he was answered in the negative, continued
proudly: "It's a pity ye weren't there. Ye ought to have seen the way I
cut up."

* * *

The old woman in indigent circumstances was explaining to a visitor, who
found her at breakfast, a long category of trials and tribulations.

"And," she concluded, "this very morning, I woke up at four o'clock, and
cried and cried till breakfast time, and as soon as I finish my tea I'll
begin again, and probably keep it up all day."

HABIT

It was the bridegroom's third matrimonial undertaking, and the bride's
second. When the clergyman on whom they had called for the ceremony
entered the parlor, he found the couple comfortably seated. They made no
effort to rise, so, as he opened the book to begin the service, he
directed them, "Please, stand up."

The bridegroom looked at the bride, and the bride stared back at him,
and then both regarded the clergyman, while the man voiced their
decision in a tone that was quite polite, but very firm:

"We have ginerally sot."

* * *

It is a matter of common knowledge that there have been troublous times
in Ireland before those of the present. In the days of the Land League,
an Irish Judge told as true of an experience while he was holding court
in one of the turbulent sections. When the jury entered the court-room
at the beginning of the session, the bailiff directed them to take their
accustomed places.... And every man of them walked forward into the
dock.

HAIR

The school girl from Avenue A, who had just learned that the notorious
Gorgon sisters had snakes for hair, chewed