unhappy man explained the cause of his wretchedness:

"I've never made a speech in my life. But last night at the dinner at
the club they insisted on my making some remarks, and I got up, and
began like this:

"As I was sitting on my thought, a seat struck me."

MANNERS

It is told of Prince Herbert Bismarck that at a reception in the Royal
Palace in Berlin he rudely jostled a high dignitary of the Italian
church. In answer to the prelate's expression of annoyance, the Prince
drew himself haughtily erect, and said, "I am Herbert Bismarck."

"Ah," replied the churchman, "that fact is perhaps an apology;
certainly, it is a complete explanation."

* * *

The tenderfoot in the Western town asked for coffee and rolls at the
lunch counter. He was served by the waitress, and there was no saucer
for the cup.

"What about the saucer?" he asked.

The girl explained:

"We don't hand out saucers no more. We found, if we did, like's not,
some low-brow would drift in an' drink out of the saucer, an' that ain't
good fer trade. This here is a swell dump."

* * *

After treading rather heavily on her foot, the man in the street car
made humble apology to the woman. She listened in grim silence, and,
when he had made an end, spoke very much to the point:

"That's it! Walk all over a body's feet, an' then blat about how sorry
you be. Well, I jest want you to understand that if I wasn't a puffick
lady, I'd slap your dirty face!"

MARKSMANSHIP

During the Saturday night revels in a frontier town, the scrawniest and
skinniest beanpole-type citizen got shot in the leg. The only doctor in
the town had done celebrating and gone to bed. A posse of citizens
pounded on the doctor's door, until he thrust his head out of a window.

"Whazzamazzer?" he called down.

"Comea-runnin', Doc. Joe Jinks's been shot."

"Whereabouts shot?"

"In the laig."

"_Some_ shootin'!" And the doctor slammed the window shut.

MARRIAGE

Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.

* * *

The mild little husband was appealing to the court for protection from
the large, bony belligerent and baleful female who was his wife.

"Let us begin at the beginning," said the judge. "Where did you first
meet this woman who has thus abused you?"

The little man shuddered, and looked everywhere except at his wife as he
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