LPFULNESS

Many a mayor is a friend to the people--just like his honor in the
following story.

A taxpayer entered the office of the water registrar in a small city,
and explained himself and his business there as follows:

"My name is O'Rafferty. And my cellar is full of wather, and my hins
will all be drowned intirely if it ain't fixed. And I'm here to inform
yez that I'm wantin' it fixed."

It was explained to the complainant that the remedy for his need must be
sought at the office of the mayor, and he therefore departed to
interview that official.

After an interval of a few days, O'Rafferty made a second visit to the
office of the registrar.

"Sure, and I've come agin to tell yez that my cellar is now fuller of
water than ever it was before. And I'm tellin' yez that I want it fixed,
and I'm a man that carries votes in my pocket."

The registrar again explained that he was powerless in the matter, and
that the only recourse must be to the mayor.

"The mayor is ut!" O'Rafferty snorted. "Sure and didn't I see the mayor?
I did thot! And what did the mayor say to me? Huh! he said, 'Mr.
O'Rafferty, why don't you keep ducks?'"

HEN

The customer asked for fresh eggs, and the clerk in the London shop
said:

"Them are fresh which has a hen on 'em."

"But I don't see any hen."

The clerk explained patiently.

"Not the fowl, mum, but the letter _hen_. _Hen_ stands for _noo-laid_."

HEREAFTER

This is the dialogue between a little girl and a little boy:

"What are you bawling about, Jimmie?"

"I'm cryin' because maw has wented to heaven."

"That's silly. Maybe she hain't."

* * *

Little Alice questioned her mother concerning heaven, and seemed pleased
to be assured that she would have wings and harp and crown.

"And candy, too, mamma?"

The mother shook her head.

"Anyhow," Alice declared, "I'm tickled we have such a fine doctor."

HEREDITY

The woman, who had a turn-up nose and was somewhat self-conscious
concerning it, bought a new pug dog, and petted it so fondly as to
excite the jealousy of her little daughter.

"How do you like your new little brother?" she asked the child
teasingly.

The girl replied, rather maliciously, perhaps:

"He looks just like his muvver."

HIGH PRICES

Two men were talking together in the Public Library. One of them said:

"The dime novel has gone. I wonder where it's gone to?"

The other, who knew som