ch lay on
the sewing-table. A few minutes later the wife wanted the scissors,
but a diligent search failed to reveal them.

The next day the professor appeared before his class and opened his
book. There lay the scissors. He picked them up and, holding them
above his head, shouted:

"Here they are, dear!"

Yes, the class got it.

Deep in a ponderous calculation, the professor leaned over his desk.
One hand held his massive brow; the other guided the pencil.

Suddenly the library door was flung open, and a nurse entered, smiling
broadly.

"There's a little stranger upstairs, professor," she announced, of
course referring to the very latest arrival.

"Eh?" grunted the man of learning, poring deeply over his problem.

"It's a little boy," remarked the nurse, still smiling.

"Little boy," mused the professor. "Little boy-eh? Well ask him what
he wants."

A story is current concerning a professor who is reputed to be
slightly absent-minded. The learned man had arranged to escort his
wife one evening to the theater. "I don't like the tie you have on. I
wish you would go up and put on another," said his wife.

The professor tranquilly obeyed. Moment after moment elapsed, until
finally the impatient wife went upstairs to learn the cause of the
delay. In his room she found her husband undressed and getting into
bed.

"How will you have your roast beef?" asked the waiter.

"Well done, good and faithful servant," murmured the clerical-looking
diner absent-mindedly.

_See also_ Habit; Memory.

ACCIDENTS

Hearing a crash of glassware one morning, Mrs. Blank called to her
maid in the adjoining room, "Norah, what on earth are you doing?"

"I ain't doin' nothin', mum," replied Norah; "it's done."

A big Irishman, while carrying a ladder through a crowded street
had the misfortune to break a plate-glass window in a store. He
immediately dropped his ladder and broke into a run, but he had been
seen by the shopkeeper, who dashed after him in company with several
salesmen, and was soon caught.

"Here you big loafer!" shouted the angry shopkeeper, when he had
regained his breath. "You have broken my window!"

"I sure have," admitted the Celt, "and didn't you see me running home
to get the money to pay for it?"

There was a man who fancied that by driving good and fast
He'd get his car across the track before the train came past;
He'd miss the engine by an inch, and make the train-hands so