of that perfect resignation, in which God kept me by His grace,
was so great, that it made me forget myself, in the midst of oppressive
disorders.

The Lord's protection was indeed wonderful. How oft have I been reduced
to extremity, yet He never failed to succor, when things appeared most
desperate. It pleased Him so to order it, that the skillful surgeon,
who had attended me before, passing by our house, inquired after me.
They told him I was extremely ill. He alighted immediately, and came in
to see me. Never was a man more surprised, when he saw the condition I
was in. The smallpox, which could not come out, had fallen on my nose
with such force, that it was quite black. He thought there had been
gangrene and that it was going to fall off. My eyes were like two
coals; but I was not alarmed. At that time I could have made a
sacrifice of all things, and was pleased that God should avenge Himself
on that face, which had betrayed me into so many infidelities. He also
was so affrighted that he went into my mother-in-law's room and told
her, that it was most shameful to let me die in that manner, for want
of bleeding. She still opposed it violently so that in short she told
him flatly that she would not suffer it, until the physician returned.
He flew into such a rage at seeing me thus left without sending for the
physician that he reproved my mother-in-law in the severest manner. But
it was all in vain. He came up again presently and said, "If you
choose, I will bleed you, and save your life." I held out my arm to
him; and though it was extremely swelled, he bled me in an instant. My
mother-in-law was in a violent passion. The smallpox came out
immediately. He ordered that they should have me bled again in the
evening, but she would not suffer it. Fear of displeasing my
mother-in-law, and a total resignation of myself into the hands of God,
I did not retain him.

I am more particular to show how advantageous it is to resign one's
self to God without reserve. Though in appearance He leaves us for a
time to prove and exercise our faith, yet He never fails us, when our
need of Him is the more pressing. One may say with the Scripture, "It
is God who bringeth down to the gates of death, and raiseth up again."
The blackness and swelling of my nose went away and I believe, had they
continued to bleed me, I had been pretty easy. For want of that I grew
worse again. The malady fell into my eyes, and inflamed them with such
seve