he and his party raised up
strong persecutions against me.

These gentlemen had at that time a method among them, by which they
soon knew who were of their party, and who were opposite. They sent to
one another circular letters, by means of which, in a very little time,
they cried me down on every side, after a very strange manner. Yet this
gave me little trouble. I was glad of my new liberty, intending never
again to enter into an intimacy with anyone, which would give me so
much difficulty to break.

This inability I was now in, of doing those exterior acts of charity I
had done before, served this person with a pretext to publish that it
was owing to him I had formerly done them. Willing to ascribe to
himself the merit of what God alone, by His grace, had made me do, he
went so far as to preach against me publicly, as one who had been a
bright pattern to the town, but was now become a scandal to it. Several
times he preached very offensive things. Though I was present at those
sermons, and they were enough to weigh me down with confusion, for they
offended all that heard them, I could not be troubled. I carried in
myself my own condemnation beyond utterance. I thought I merited
abundantly worse than all he could say of me, and that, if all men knew
me, they would trample me under their feet. My reputation then was
blasted by the industry of this ecclesiastic. He caused all such as
passed for persons of piety to declare against me. I thought he and
they were in the right and therefore quietly bore it all. Confused like
a criminal that dares not lift up his eyes, I looked upon the virtue of
others with respect. I saw no fault in others and no virtue in myself.
When any happened to praise me, it was like a heavy blow struck at me,
and I said in myself, "They little know my miseries, and from what
state I have fallen." When any blamed me, I agreed to it, as right and
just. Nature wanted sometimes to get out of such an abject condition,
but could not find any way. If I tried to make an outward appearance of
righteousness, by the practice of some good thing, my heart in secret
rebuked me as guilty of hypocrisy, in wanting to appear what I was not;
and God did not permit that to succeed. Oh, how excellent are the
crosses of Providence! All other crosses are of no value.

I was often very ill and in danger of death, and knew not how to
prepare myself for it. Several persons of piety, who had been
acquainted with me, wrot