hose cherished
gifts which you now delight in! How many pass all their lives in this
way, and think highly of themselves! There are others who, being called
of God to die to themselves, yet pass all their time in a dying life,
in inward agonies, without ever entering into God through death and a
total loss of self, because they are always willing to retain something
under plausible pretexts, and so never lose themselves to the whole
extent of the designs of God. They never enjoy God in all His fullness;
which is a loss that cannot be perfectly known in this life.

Oh, my Lord, what happiness did I not largely taste in my solitude, and
with my little family, where nothing interrupted my tranquillity! As I
was in the country, the slender age of my children did not require my
application too much, they being in good hands, I retired a great part
of the day into a wood. I passed as many days of happiness as I had had
months of sorrow. Thou, O my God, dealt by me as by thy servant Job,
rendering me double for all thou hadst taken, and delivering me from
all my crosses. Thou gavest me a marvelous facility to satisfy
everyone. What was surprising now was that my mother-in-law, who had
ever been complaining of me, without my doing anything more than usual
to please her, declared that none could be better satisfied with me
than she was. Such as before had cried me down the most, now testified
their sorrow for it and became full of my praises. My reputation was
established with much more advantage, in proportion as it had appeared
to be lost. I remained in an entire peace, as well without as within.
It seemed to me that my soul was become like New Jerusalem, spoken of
in the Apocalypse, prepared as a bride for her husband and where there
is no more sorrow, or sighing. I had a perfect indifference to
everything that is here, a union so great with the will of God, that my
own will seemed entirely lost. My soul could not incline itself on one
side or the other, since another will had taken the place of its own,
but only nourished itself with the daily providences of God. It now
found a will all divine, yet was so natural and easy that it found
itself infinitely more free than ever it had been in its own.

These dispositions have still subsisted, and still grown stronger, and
more perfect even to this hour. I could neither desire one thing nor
another, but was content with whatever fell. If any in the house asked
me, "Will you have