are full of the life and activities of nature, and unacquainted with
the paths of mortification and death.

Thou, O my God, hast been my conductor even in these paths, as with
admiration I have discovered since they are past. Blessed be Thy name
forever. I am obliged to bear this testimony to Thy goodness.

Before I continue my narration, I must add one remark, which the Lord
gave me to make upon the way by which He, in His goodness, was pleased
to conduct me; which is, that this obscure path is the surest to
mortify the soul, as it leaves it not any prop to lean upon for
support. Though it has no application to any particular state of Jesus
Christ; yet, at its coming out, it finds itself clothed with all His
dispositions. The impure and selfish soul, is hereby purified, as gold
in the furnace. Full of its own judgment and its own will before, but
now obeys like a child and finds no other will in itself. Before, it
would have contested for a trifle; now it yields at once, not with
reluctance and pain by way of practicing virtue, but as it were
naturally. Its own vices are vanished. This creature so vain before now
loves nothing but poverty, littleness and humiliation. Before, it
preferred itself above everybody; now everybody above itself, having a
boundless charity for its neighbor, to bear with his faults and
weaknesses, in order to win him by love, which before it could not do
but with very great constraint. The rage of the wolf is changed to the
meekness of the lamb.

During all the time of my experiencing my miseries and my deep trials,
I went after no fine sights or recreations. I wanted to see and know
nothing but Jesus Christ. My closet was my only diversion. Even when
the queen was near me, whom I had never seen, and whom I had desire
enough to see; I had only to open my eyes, and look out to see her; yet
did not do it. I had been fond of hearing others sing; yet I was once
four days with one who passed for the finest voice in the world,
without ever desiring her to sing; which surprised her, because she was
not ignorant that, knowing her name, I must know the charming
excellence of her voice. However, I committed some infidelities, in
inquiring what others said of me by way of blame. I met with one who
told me everything. Though I showed nothing of it, it served only to
mortify me. I saw I was yet too much alive to self.

I shall never be able to express the number of my miseries. They are so
vastly surm