stop me from going to the communion. When I made no answer, she
cried out as loud as she could, that I treated her ill and despised
her. When I went to prayers, (though I had taken care to arrange
everything about the house) she ran to tell my husband that I was going
and had left nothing in order. When I returned home his rage fell on me
in all its violence. They would hear none of my reasons, but said,
"they were all a pack of lies." My mother-in-law persuaded my husband
that I let everything go to wreck. If she did not take the care of
things he would be ruined. He believed it, and I bore all with
patience, endeavoring, as well as I could, to do my duty. What gave
most trouble was the not knowing what course to take; for when I
ordered anything without her, she complained that I showed her no
respect, that I did things of my own head and that they were done
always the worse for it. Then she would order them contrary. If I
consulted her to know what, or how she would have anything to be done,
she said that I compelled her to have the care and trouble of
everything.

I had scarcely any rest but what I found in the love of Thy will, O my
God, and submission to Thy orders, however rigorous they might be. They
incessantly watched my words and actions, to find occasion against me.
They chided me all the day long, continually repeating, and harping
over and over the same things, even before the servants. How often have
I made my meals on my tears, which were interpreted as the most
criminal in the world! They said, I would be damned; as if the tears
would open Hell for me, which surely they were more likely to
extinguish. If I recited anything I had heard, they would render me
accountable for the truth of it. If I kept silence, they taxed me with
contempt and perverseness; if I knew anything without telling it, that
was a crime; if I told it, then they said I had forged it. Sometimes
they tormented me for several days successively, without giving me any
relaxation. The girls said, "I ought to feign sickness, to get a little
rest." I made no reply. The love of God so closely possessed me, that
it would not allow me to seek relief by a single word, or even by a
look. Sometimes I said in myself, "Oh, that I had but any one who could
take notice of me, or to whom I might unburden myself,--what a relief
it would be to me!" But it was not granted me.

Yet, if I happened to be for some days freed from the exterior cross,
it was