ed to lay aside every remedy, and to go
into the air, which made the pitting worse; to expose myself in the
street when the redness of the smallpox was at the worst, in order to
make my humiliation triumph, where I had exalted my pride.

My husband kept to his bed almost all that time, and made good use of
his indisposition. Only as he now lost that, which before gave him so
much pleasure in viewing me, he grew much more susceptible to
impressions which any gave him against me. In consequence of this, the
persons who spoke to him to my disadvantage, finding themselves now
better hearkened to, spoke more boldly and more frequently.

There was only Thou, O my God, who changed not for me. Thou didst
redouble my interior graces, in proportion as Thou didst augment my
exterior crosses.

CHAPTER 16

My maid became every day more haughty. Seeing that her scoldings and
outcries did not now torment me, she thought, if she could hinder me
from going to the communion, she would give me the greatest of all
vexations.

She was not mistaken, O divine Spouse of pure souls, since the only
satisfaction of my life was to receive and to honor Thee. I gave
everything, of the finest I had, to furnish the churches with
ornaments, and contributed to the utmost extent of my abilities, to
make them have silver plates and chalices.

"Oh, my Love," I cried, "let me be thy victim! Spare nothing to
annihilate me." I felt an inexpressible longing to be more reduced, and
to become, as it were, nothing.

This girl then knew my affection for the holy sacrament, where, when I
could have liberty for it, I passed several hours on my knees. She took
it in her head to watch me daily. When she discovered me going, she ran
to tell my mother-in-law and my husband. There needed no more to
chagrin them. Their invectives lasted the whole day. If a word escaped
me in my own justification, it was enough to make them say that I was
guilty of sacrilege, and to raise an outcry against all devotion. If I
made them no answer at all, they still heightened their indignation,
and said the most grating things they could devise. If I fell sick,
which often happened, they took occasion to come to quarrel with me at
my bed, saying, my communion and prayers were what made me sick. They
spoke as if there had been nothing else could make me ill, but my
devotion to Thee, O my Beloved!

She told me one day that she was going to write to my director to get
him to