m th' Gussie, with tin
thousand cannons hurlin' projick-tyles weighin' eight hundherd pounds
sivinteen miles. Winsdah night a second ar-rmy iv injineers, miners,
plumbers, an' lawn tinnis experts, numberin' in all four hundherd an'
eighty thousand men, ar-rmed with death-dealin' canned goods, was
hurried to Havana to storm th' city.

"Thursdah mornin' three thousand full rigimints iv r-rough r-riders swum
their hor-rses acrost to Matoonzas, an' afther a spirited battle
captured th' Rainy Christiny golf links, two up an' hell to play, an'
will hold thim again all comers. Th' same afthernoon th' reg'lar
cavalry, con-sistin' iv four hundherd an' eight thousan' well-mounted
men, was loaded aboord th' tug Lucy J., and departed on their earned iv
death amidst th' cheers iv eight millyon sojers left behind at
Chickamaha. These cav'lry'll co-operate with Commodore Schlow; an' whin
he desthroys th' Spanish fleet, as he does ivry Sundah an' holy day
except in Lent, an' finds out where they ar-re an' desthroys thim,
afther batterin' down th' forts where they ar-re con-cealed so that he
can't see thim, but thinks they ar-re on their way f'r to fight Cousin
George Dooley, th' cav'lry will make a dash back to Tampa, where Gin'ral
Miles is preparin' to desthroy th' Spanish at wan blow,--an' he's th'
boy to blow.

"The gin'ral arrived th' other day, fully prepared f'r th' bloody wurruk
iv war. He had his intire fam'ly with him. He r-rode recklessly into
camp, mounted on a superb specyal ca-ar. As himsilf an' Uncle Mike
Miles, an' Cousin Hennery Miles, an' Master Miles, aged eight years,
dismounted fr'm th' specyal train, they were received with wild cheers
be eight millyon iv th' bravest sojers that iver give up their lives f'r
their counthry. Th' press cinchorship is so pow'rful that no news is
allowed to go out; but I have it fr'm th' specyal corryspondint iv
Mesilf, Clancy th' Butcher, Mike Casey, an' th' City Direchtry that
Gin'ral Miles instantly repaired himsilf to th' hotel, where he made his
plans f'r cr-rushin' th' Spanyards at wan blow. He will equip th' ar-rmy
with blow-guns at wanst. His uniforms ar-re comin' down in specyal steel
protected bullyon trains fr'm th' mint, where they've been kept f'r a
year. He has ordhered out th' gold resarve f'r to equip his staff,
numberin' eight thousan' men, manny iv whom ar-re clubmen; an', as soon
as he can have his pitchers took, he will cr-rush th' Spanish with wan
blow. Th' purpos