stereopticons till they was black in th' face.
What's th' news?"

"Th' What Cheer, Ioway, Lamp iv Freedom is on th' sthreets with a
tillygram that Shafter has captured Sandago de Cuba, an' is now settin'
on Gin'ral Pando's chest with his hands in his hair. But this is denied
be th' Palo Gazoot, the Macoupin County Raygisther, an' th' Meridyan
Sthreet Afro-American. I also see be th' Daily Scoor Card, th' Wine
List, th' Deef Mute's Spokesman, th' Morgue Life, the Bill iv Fare, th'
Stock Yards Sthraight Steer, an' Jack's Tips on th' Races, the on'y
daily paper printed in Chicago, that Sampson's fleet is in th' Suez
Canal bombarding Cades. Th' Northwestern Christyan Advycate says this is
not thrue, but that George Dixon was outpointed be an English boxer in a
twinty-r-round go in New York."

"Ye've got things mixed up," said Mr. Dooley. "I get th' news sthraight.
'Twas this way. Th' Spanish fleet was bottled up in Sandago Harbor, an'
they dhrew th' cork. That's a joke. I see it in th' pa-apers. Th'
gallant boys iv th' navy was settin' out on th' deck, defindin' their
counthry an' dhrawin' three ca-ards apiece, whin th' Spanish admiral
con-cluded 'twud be better f'r him to be desthroyed on th' ragin' sea,
him bein' a sailor, thin to have his fleet captured be cav'lry. Annyhow,
he was willin' to take a chance; an' he says to his sailors:
'Spanyards,' he says, 'Castiles,' he says, 'we have et th' las'
bed-tick,' he says; 'an', if we stay here much longer,' he says, 'I'll
have to have a steak off th' armor plate fried f'r ye,' he says. 'Lave
us go out where we can have a r-run f'r our money,' he says. An' away
they wint. I'll say this much f'r him, he's a brave man, a dam brave
man. I don't like a Spanyard no more than ye do, Hinnissy. I niver see
wan. But, if this here man was a--was a Zulu, I'd say he was a brave
man. If I was aboord wan iv thim yachts that was convarted, I'd go to
this here Cervera, an' I'd say: 'Manuel,' I'd say, 'ye're all right, me
boy. Ye ought to go to a doctor an' have ye'er eyes re-set, but ye're a
good fellow. Go downstairs,' I'd say, 'into th' basemint iv the ship,'
I'd say, 'an' open th' cupboard jus' nex' to th' head iv th' bed, an'
find th' bottle marked "Floridy Wather," an' threat ye'ersilf kindly.'
That's what I'd say to Cervera. He's all right.

"Well, whin our boys see th' Spanish fleet comin' out iv th' harbor,
they gathered on th' deck an' sang th' naytional anthem, 'They'll be a
hot t