. 'I have some good story books. I'd rather th' kids'd
r-read Char-les Dickens than anny iv th' tales iv thim holy men that
was burned in ile or et up be lines,' he says. 'It does no good in these
degin'rate days to prove that th' best that can come to a man f'r
behavin' himsilf is to be cooked in a pot or di-gisted be a line,' he
says. 'Ye're wrong,' says I. 'Beggin' ye'er riv'rince's pardon, ye're
wrong,' I says. 'What ar-re ye goin' to do with thim young wans? Ye're
goin' to make thim near-sighted an' round-shouldered,' I says. 'Ye're
goin' to have thim believe that, if they behave thimsilves an' lead a
virchous life, they'll marry rich an' go to Congress. They'll wake up
some day, an' find out that gettin' money an behavin' ye'ersilf don't
always go together,' I says. 'Some iv th' wickedest men in th' wurruld
have marrid rich,' I says. 'Ye're goin' to teach thim that a man doesn't
have to use an ax to get along in th' wurruld. Ye're goin' to teach thim
that a la-ad with a curlin' black mustache an' smokin' a cigareet is
always a villyan, whin he's more often a barber with a lar-rge family.
Life, says ye! There's no life in a book. If ye want to show thim what
life is, tell thim to look around thim. There's more life on a Saturdah
night in th' Ar-rchy Road thin in all th' books fr'm Shakespeare to th'
rayport iv th' drainage thrustees. No man,' I says, 'iver wrote a book
if he had annything to write about, except Shakespeare an' Mike Ahearn.
Shakespeare was all r-right. I niver read anny of his pieces, but they
sound good; an' I know Mike Ahearn is all r-right.'"

"What did he say?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"He took it all r-right," said Mr. Dooley. "He kind o' grinned, an' says
he: 'What ye say is thrue, an' it's not thrue,' he says. 'Books is f'r
thim that can't injye thimsilves in anny other way,' he says. 'If ye're
in good health, an' ar-re atin' three squares a day, an' not ayether sad
or very much in love with ye'er lot, but just lookin' on an' not carin'
a'--he said rush--'not carin' a rush, ye don't need books,' he says.
'But if ye're a down-spirited thing an' want to get away an' can't, ye
need books. 'Tis betther to be comfortable at home thin to go to th'
circus, an' 'tis betther to go to th' circus thin to r-read anny book.
But 'tis betther to r-read a book thin to want to go to th' circus an'
not be able to,' he says. 'Well,' says I, 'whin I was growin' up, half
th' congregation heard mass with their prayer