said Mr. Dooley, "mighty few iv th' rale heroes iv th' war is
r-runnin' f'r office. Most iv thim put on their blue overalls whin they
was mustered out an' wint up an' ast f'r their ol' jobs back--an'
sometimes got thim. Ye can see as manny as tin iv thim at the
rollin'-mills defindin' th' nation's honor with wheelbahr's an' a slag
shovel."

MR. DOOLEY IN PEACE

ON NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS.

Mr. Hennessy looked out at the rain dripping down in Archey Road, and
sighed, "A-ha, 'tis a bad spell iv weather we're havin'."

"Faith, it is," said Mr. Dooley, "or else we mind it more thin we did. I
can't remimber wan day fr'm another. Whin I was young, I niver thought
iv rain or snow, cold or heat. But now th' heat stings an' th' cold
wrenches me bones; an', if I go out in th' rain with less on me thin a
ton iv rubber, I'll pay dear f'r it in achin' j'ints, so I will. That's
what old age means; an' now another year has been put on to what we had
befure, an' we're expected to be gay. 'Ring out th' old,' says a guy at
th' Brothers' School. 'Ring out th' old, ring in th' new,' he says.
'Ring out th' false, ring in th' thrue,' says he. It's a pretty
sintimint, Hinnissy; but how ar-re we goin' to do it? Nawthin'd please
me betther thin to turn me back on th' wicked an' ingloryous past,
rayform me life, an' live at peace with th' wurruld to th' end iv me
days. But how th' divvle can I do it? As th' fellow says, 'Can th'
leopard change his spots,' or can't he?

"You know Dorsey, iv coorse, th' cross-eyed May-o man that come to this
counthry about wan day in advance iv a warrant f'r sheep-stealin'? Ye
know what he done to me, tellin' people I was caught in me cellar
poorin' wather into a bar'l? Well, last night says I to mesilf, thinkin'
iv Dorsey, I says: 'I swear that henceforth I'll keep me temper with me
fellow-men. I'll not let anger or jealousy get th' betther iv me,' I
says. 'I'll lave off all me old feuds; an' if I meet me inimy goin' down
th' sthreet, I'll go up an' shake him be th' hand, if I'm sure he hasn't
a brick in th' other hand.' Oh, I was mighty compliminthry to mesilf. I
set be th' stove dhrinkin' hot wans, an' ivry wan I dhrunk made me more
iv a pote. 'Tis th' way with th' stuff. Whin I'm in dhrink, I have manny
a fine thought; an', if I wasn't too comfortable to go an' look f'r th'
ink-bottle, I cud write pomes that'd make Shakespeare an' Mike Scanlan
think they were wurrkin' on a dredge. 'Why,' says