fault, please note. Me
car-eer is an open book. I've held nawthin' back fr'm th' public,
not even whin 'twas mar-rked private. I can say with th' pote that
I done me jooty. But, oh, Chanse! don't iver aspire to my job. Be
sicrety of war, if ye will; but niver be sicrety iv A war. Do not
offer this letter to th' newspapers. Make thim take it. How's
things goin' with ye, ol' pal? I hope to see ye at th' seaside.
Till thin, I'm yours, sick at heart, but atin' reg'lar. RUSS.'"

"Well," said Mr. Hennessy, "th' poor man must've had a har-rd time iv
it."

"He did," said Mr. Dooley. "Niver laid his head to a pillow before
eight, up with th' moon: he's suffered as no man can tell. But he'll be
all r-right whin his mind's at r-rest."

ON THE PRESIDENT'S CAT.

"'Twas this way about Dr. Huckenlooper. Mack has a cat that was give him
f'r a Chris'mas prisint be me frind Pierpont Morgan, an' th' cat was a
gr-reat favor-ite in th' White House. 'Twas as quite as th' Sicrety iv
Agriculture an' as affectionate as th' Sicrety iv th' Three-asury. Th'
cat was called Goold Bonds, because iv th' inthrest he dhrew. He very
often played with th' Sicrety iv th' Navy, an' ivry wan that come to th'
White House f'r a job loved him.

"But wan day Goold Bonds begun to look bad. He cudden't ate th' r-rich
crame out iv th' di'mon'-studded saucer. He stopped castin' an eye at
th' c'nary in th' cage. Whin th' Sicrety iv th' Navy wint down f'r to
play with him, Goold Bonds spit at that good an' gr-reat man. Mack was
shavin' himsilf befure th' lookin'-glass, an' had jus' got his face
pulled r-round to wan side f'r a good gash, whin he heerd a scream iv
ag'ny behind him, an' tur-rned to see Goold Bonds leap up with his paws
on his stomach an' hit th' ceilin'. Mack give a cry iv turror, an'
grabbed at Goold Bonds. Away wint Goold Bonds through th' house. Th'
Sicrety iv War seen him comin', an' called, 'Pussy, pussy.' Goold Bonds
wint through his legs, an' galloped f'r where th' Postmaster-gin'ral was
settin' editin' his pa-aper. Th' Postmaster-gin'ral had jus' got as far
as 'we opine,' whin he see Goold Bonds, an' he bate th' cat to th' windy
be a whisker.

"Well, Goold Bonds ended up in th' coal cellar, an' they was a cab'net
council f'r to see what was to be done. 'Sind f'r Doctor Heinegagubler,'
says th' Sicrety iv War. 'He's wan iv th' gr-reatest surgeons iv our
time,' he says, 'an' can cure annything fr'm pips to glanders,' he says.
T