hat?"

"Th' Alger gyards," said Mr. Dooley, "bruk fr'm th' corral where they
had thim tied up, atin' thistles, an' med a desp'rate charge on th' camp
at Tampa. They dayscinded like a whur-rl-wind, dhrivin' th' astonished
throops before thim, an' thin charged back again, completin' their
earned iv desthruction. At th' las' account th' brave sojers was
climbin' threes an' tillygraft poles, an' a rig'mint iv mules was
kickin' th' pink silk linin' out iv th' officers' quarthers. Th' gallant
mules was led be a most courageous jackass, an' 'tis undhersthud that me
frind Mack will appint him a brigadier-gin-ral jus' as soon as he can
find out who his father is. 'Tis too bad he'll have no childher to
perpituate th' fame iv him. He wint through th' camp at th' head iv his
throops iv mules without castin' a shoe. He's th' biggest jackass in
Tampa to-day, not exciptin' th' cinsor; an' I doubt if they'se a bigger
wan in Wash'n'ton, though I cud name a few that cud thry a race with
him. Annyhow, they'll know how to reward him. They know a jackass whin
they see wan, an' they see a good manny in that peaceful city.

"Th' charge iv Tampa'll go into histhry as th' first land action iv th'
war. An', be th' way, Hinnissy, if this here sociable is f'r to go on at
th' prisint rate, I'm sthrong to ar-rm th' wild ar-rmy mules an' the
unbridled jackasses iv th' pe-rary an' give thim a chanst to set Cuba
free. Up to this time th' on'y hero kilt on th' Spanish side was a
jackass that poked an ear above th' batthries at Matoonzas f'r to hear
what was goin' on. 'Behold,' says Sampson, 'th' insolince iv th' foe,'
he says. 'For-rm in line iv battle, an' hur-rl death an' desthruction at
yon Castilyan gin'ral.' 'Wait,' says an officer. 'It may be wan iv our
own men. It looks like th' Sicrety iv'--'Hush!' says th' commander. 'It
can't be an American jackass, or he'd speak,' he says. 'Fire on him.'
Shot afther shot fell round th' inthrepid ass; but he remained firm till
th' dinnymite boat Vesoovyus fired three hundherd an' forty thousand
pounds iv gum cotton at him, an' the poor crather was smothered to
death. Now, says I, give these Tampa mules a chanst, an' we'll have no
need iv wastin' ammun-ni-tion. Properly led, they'd go fr'm wan end iv
Cuba to th' other, kickin' th' excelsior out iv ivry stuffed Spanish
gin'ral fr'm Bahoohoo Hoondoo to Sandago de Cuba. They'd be no loss iv
life. Th' sojers who haven't gone away cud come home an' get cured iv
th'