our civilization," said Mr. Dooley. "Ye see, it
was this way. This is th' way it was: Gin'ral Garshy with wan hundherd
thousan' men's been fightin' bravely f'r two years f'r to liberyate
Cubia. F'r two years he's been marchin' his sivinty-five thousan' men up
an' down th' island, desthroyin' th' haughty Spanyard be th' millyons.
Whin war was declared, he offered his own sarvice an' th' sarvices iv
his ar-rmy iv fifty thousan' men to th' United States; an', while
waitin' f'r ships to arrive, he marched at th' head iv his tin thousan'
men down to Sandago de Cuba an' captured a cigar facthry, which they
soon rayjooced to smokin' ruins. They was holdin' this position--Gin'ral
Garshy an' his gallant wan thousan' men--whin Gin'ral Shafter arrived.
Gin'ral Garshy immedjitly offered th' sarvices iv himsilf an' his two
hundherd men f'r th' capture iv Sandago; an', when Gin'ral Shafter
arrived, there was Gin'ral Garshy with his gallant band iv fifty
Cubians, r-ready to eat at a minyit's notice.

"Gin'ral Shafter is a big, coorse, two-fisted man fr'm Mitchigan, an',
whin he see Gin'ral Garshy an' his twinty-five gallant followers,
'Fr-ront,' says he. 'This way,' he says, 'step lively,' he says, 'an'
move some iv these things,' he says. 'Sir,' says Gin'ral Garshy, 'd'ye
take me f'r a dhray?' he says. 'I'm a sojer,' he says, 'not a baggage
car,' he says. 'I'm a Cubian pathrite, an' I'd lay down me life an' the
lives iv ivry wan iv th' eighteen brave men iv me devoted ar-rmy,' he
says; 'but I'll be dam'd if I carry a thrunk,' he says. 'I'll fight
whiniver 'tis cool,' he says, 'an' they ain't wan iv these twelve men
here that wudden't follow me to hell if they was awake at th' time,' he
says; 'but,' he says, 'if 'twas wurruk we were lookin' f'r, we cud have
found it long ago,' he says. 'They'se a lot iv it in this counthry that
nobody's usin',' he says. 'What we want,' he says, 'is freedom,' he
says; 'an', if ye think we have been in th' woods dodgin' th' savage
corryspondint f'r two year,' he says, 'f'r th' sake iv r-rushin' yer
laundhry home,' he says, ''tis no wondher,' he says, 'that th' r-roads
fr'm Marinette to Kalamazoo is paved with goold bricks bought be th'
people iv ye'er native State,' he says.

"So Shafter had to carry his own thrunk; an' well it was f'r him that it
wasn't Gin'ral Miles', the weather bein' hot. An' Shafter was mad clear
through; an', whin he took hold iv Sandago, an' was sendin' out
invitations, he scrat