says, that's been brought about be these
desthroyers. Th' Spanyards fired th' openin' gun whin th' bishop iv
Cades, a pow'rful turreted monitor (ol' style), attackted us with both
for'ard guns, an' sint a storm iv brimstone an' hell into us. But th'
victhry was not f'r long with th' hated Spanyard. He was answered be
our whole fleet iv preachers. Thin he was jined be th' bishop iv
Barsaloona an' th' bishop iv Mahdrid an' th' bishop iv Havana, all
battle-ships iv th' first class, followed be a fleet iv cruisers
r-runnin' all th' way fr'm a full-ar-rmored vicar gin'ral to a protected
parish priest. To meet thim, we sint th' bishop iv New York, th' bishop
iv Philadelphia, th' bishop iv Baltimore, an' th' bishop iv Chicago,
accompanied be a flyin' squadhron iv Methodists, three Presbyteryan
monitors, a fleet iv Baptist submarine desthroyers, an' a formidable
array iv Universalist an' Unitaryan torpedo boats, with a Jew r-ram.
Manetime th' bishop iv Manila had fired a solid prayer, weighin' a ton,
at San Francisco; an' a masked batthry iv Congregationalists replied,
inflictin' severe damage. Our Atlantic fleet is now sarchin' f'r th'
inimy, an' the bishop iv New York is blockadin' th' bishop iv Sandago de
Cuba; an' they'se been an exchange iv prayers between th' bishop iv
Baltimore an' th' bishop iv Havana without much damage.

"Th' Lord knows how it'll come out. First wan side prays that th' wrath
iv Hiven'll descind on th' other, an' thin th' other side returns th'
compliment with inthrest. Th' Spanish bishop says we're a lot iv
murdherin', irreligious thieves, an' ought to be swept fr'm th' face iv
th' earth. We say his people ar-re th' same, an' manny iv thim. He
wishes Hivin to sink our ships an' desthroy our men; an' we hope he'll
injye th' same gr-reat blessin'. We have a shade th' best iv him, f'r
his fleets ar-re all iv th' same class an' ol' style, an' we have some
iv th' most modhern prayin' machines in the warruld; but he prays
har-rd, an' 'tis no aisy wurruk to silence him."

"What d'ye think about it?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"Well," said Mr. Dooley, "I dinnaw jus' what to think iv it. Me own idee
is that war is not a matther iv prayers so much as a matther iv
punchin'; an' th' on'y place a prayer book stops a bullet is in th'
story books. 'Tis like what Father Kelly said. Three weeks ago las'
Sundah he met Hogan; an' Hogan, wantin' to be smart, ast him if he'd
offered up prayers f'r th' success iv th' cause. 'F