lans
f'r Sampson's fleet?' he says. 'Where is it?' says th' Sthrateejy
Board. 'I dinnaw,' says Mack. 'Good,' says th' Sthrateejy Board.
'Where's th' Spanish fleet?' says they. 'Bombardin' Boston, at Cadiz, in
San June de Matzoon, sighted near th' gas-house be our special
correspondint, copyright, 1898, be Mike O'Toole.' 'A sthrong position,'
says th' Sthrateejy Board. 'Undoubtedly, th' fleet is headed south to
attack and seize Armour's glue facthory. Ordher Sampson to sail north as
fast as he can, an' lay in a supply iv ice. Th' summer's comin' on.
Insthruct Schley to put on all steam, an' thin put it off again, an'
call us up be telephone. R-rush eighty-three millyon throops an' four
mules to Tampa, to Mobile, to Chickenmaha, to Coney Island, to Ireland,
to th' divvle, an' r-rush thim back again. Don't r-rush thim. Ordher
Sampson to pick up th' cable at Lincoln Par-rk, an' run into th' bar-rn.
Is th' balloon corpse r-ready? It is? Thin don't sind it up. Sind it up.
Have th' Mulligan Gyards co-op'rate with Gomez, an' tell him to cut
away his whiskers. They've got tangled in th' riggin'. We need
yellow-fever throops. Have ye anny yellow fever in th' house? Give it to
twinty thousand three hundherd men, an' sind thim afther Gov'nor Tanner.
Teddy Rosenfelt's r-rough r-riders ar-re downstairs, havin' their
uniforms pressed. Ordher thim to th' goluf links at wanst. They must be
no indecision. Where's Richard Harding Davis? On th' bridge iv the New
York? Tur-rn th' bridge. Seize Gin'ral Miles' uniform. We must
strengthen th' gold resarve. Where's th' Gussie? Runnin' off to Cuba
with wan hundherd men an' ar-rms, iv coorse. Oh, war is a dhreadful
thing. It's ye'er move, Claude,' says th' Sthrateejy Board.

"An' so it goes on; an' day by day we r-read th' tur-rble story iv our
brave sthrateejans sacrificin' their time on th' altar iv their
counthry, as Hogan says. Little we thought, whin we wint into this war,
iv th' horrors it wud bring. Little we thought iv th' mothers at home
weepin' f'r their brave boys down at Washin'ton hur-rtin their poor
eyes over a checker-board. Little we thought iv these devoted men, as
Hogan says, with achin' heads, plannin' to sind three hundherd thousand
millyon men an' a carload iv beans to their fate at Tampa, Fla. But some
wan must be sacrificed, as Hogan says. An' these poor fellows in
Washin'ton with their r-red eyes an' their tired backs will be an
example to future ginerations, as Hogan says