oad. There are no
mysteryous crimes excipt thim that happens to be. Th' ordh'nry
crook, Hinnissy, goes around ringin' a bell an' disthributin'
hand-bills announcin' his business. He always breaks through a
window instead iv goin' through an open dure, an' afther he's done
annything that he thinks is commindable, he goes to a neighborin'
liquor saloon, stands on th' pool table an' confides th' secret
to ivrybody within sound iv his voice. That's why Mulligan is a
betther detictive thin Sherlock Holmes or me. He can't put two
an' two together an' he has no powers iv deduction, but he's a
hard dhrinker an' a fine sleuth. Sherlock Holmes niver wud've
caught that frind iv mine. Whin th' safe iv th' Ninth Rational
Bank was blowed, he wud've put two an' two together an' arristed
me. But me frind wint away lavin' a hat an' a pair iv cuffs marked
with his name in th' safe, an' th' polis combined these discoveries
with th' well-known fact that Muggins was a notoryous safe blower
an' they took him in. They found him down th' sthreet thryin' to
sell a bushel basket full iv Alley L stock. I told ye he was a
simple man. He ralized his ambition f'r an agaracoolchral life.
They give him th' care iv th' cows at Joliet."

"Did he rayform?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"No," said Mr. Dooley; "he escaped. An' th' way he got out wud
baffle th' injinooty iv a Sherlock Holmes."

"How did he do it?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"He climbed over th' wall," said Mr. Dooley.

International Amenities

"Be hivins," said Mr. Dooley, "I wisht I'd been there."

"Where?" asked Mr. Hennessy.

"At th' bankit iv th' Ancyent an' Hon'rable Chamber iv Commerce
in New York," said Mr. Dooley. "'Tis a hard fate that compels me
to live out here on th' prairies among th' aborig'nal Americans
fr'm Poland an' Bohaymya. Me heart at times is burstin' f'r to
jine in th' festivities iv me fellow Britons in New York. F'r I'm
a British subjick, Hinnissy. I wasn't born wan. I was born in
Ireland. But I have a little money put away, an' ivry American
that has larned to make wan dollar sthick to another is ex-officio,
as Hogan says, a British subjick. We've adopted a foster father.
Some iv us ain't anny too kind to th' ol' gintleman. In th'
matther iv th' Nicaragoon Canal we have recently pushed him over
an' took about all he had. But our hearts feels th' love iv th'
parent counthry, though our hands is rebellyous, an' ivry year me
fellow-merchants